Hay whats this?
Many moons ago I was cutting down a hay field, "Opening out" as us rural types say, i.e. cutting around perimeter of the field, with an 8 foot cut disc mower. One of the hedges bordered a main road and as I was tootling along kicking up a lot of dust ( well, grass pollen really ) suddenly in the tall thick tangled grass through the haze of pollen I saw the body of a naked woman face down! OMG a murder victim! I just managed to stop the tractor in time before the mower had turned her into minced morsels. When the dust settled I dismounted the cab, shaking like the proverbial leaf only to find that the aforementioned cadaver was in fact a mannequin , a tailors dummy PHEEEW!!! I picked it up and threw it into the hedge bottom and carried on mowing, but I tell you what, my heart was still pounding like crazy for at least an hour afterwards. God only knows what it must be like to find a real body.
(Mackeson_drinker, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 13:12, 6 replies)

sexy

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 13:44, closed)

Did you smash it?
(Amberleaf, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 15:09, closed)

No
I think I was so relieved that it was not a real body my only thought was to get it out of the way of the farm machinery ( hay turner, baler etc)
(Mackeson_drinker, Sun 23 Dec 2012, 7:48, closed)

The first time my best mate decided to be healthy and walk along the canal from our work to the pub..
..instead of me giving him a lift he ended up dragging the dead body of an old lady from the canal. As he heaved her out her eyes popped open and he nearly shat himself.

He said he had to get hammered that night as there was no other way he could have gotten to sleep. He still freaks out about it now.

He said the police were right cunts when they turned up too especially the Chief Inspector. He put in an official complaint about their behaviour and got a thank-you letter from some head police person a few weeks later.

He gets me to drop him off at the pub nowadays.
( Airman Gabber Living life like a 70's BBC presenter, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 16:01, closed)

'Threw it into the hedge bottom'
is now my go to euphemism for anal sex with artificial human bodies.
(FartThroughAWalkieTalkie wished you were dead in ditch on, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 19:44, closed)

Well if you find one
don't forget, you will need a Black and Decker or something to drill a hole in the appropriate place, as believe it or not one is not provided. no doubt a half inch bit would be big enough for you.
(Mackeson_drinker, Sun 23 Dec 2012, 7:52, closed)