Many years ago...
I was working in a very posh hotel, the likes of which none of you will ever see.
I worked my arse off, doing 60 hour weeks and generally pulling my weight a hell of alot more than the immigrants and retired engineers that made up the rest of the staff, but none of this bothered me, I was earning a pretty good wage out of it.
What did bother me though, was my supervisor, Harvey. He was a smarmy, smug, arse-licking git, who had only got the job because he and the manager were best bum chums, and despite only earning about 25p more than I did per hour, he would spend hours doing nothing, or watching pron on the tv in our staff room.
I hated that twat.

The rage built up in me one day, and after doing a 15 hour shift I'd been asked to help the kitchen porters out in the pot wash, which I did, but not before seeing that smugarsedcuntyfuck Harvey smarming his way around the kitchens doing fuck all.

So, I stormed up to him, full of bravado.
'RIGHT!' I shouted in his face, 'I've got two words for you...'

'I. QUIT. BYE.'

'....oh fucknuggets, that's three words...'

*storms out, slamming the door behind him*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 23 May 2008, 8:56, 27 replies)

Au contraire, Mr Sexmonkey
I have actually seen a lot of posh hotels.

Unfortunately, I've seen them from a worker's point of view, and we musicians usually use the back door (oi, less sniggering, you lot). I have come to the conclusion that no matter how fancy and expensive a hotel is, when you go round the back, beside the bins and the rats and the staff having a cigarette, they're all shitholes.

So I can quite believe the working conditions are pretty hellish.

And we come out with a hell of a lot more money for our evening's work than the hotel staff do, even though it's not exactly a king's ransom in the grand scheme of things. I'd hate to work in a hotel.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 23 May 2008, 9:12, closed)

Posh hotels
I was in a posh hotel once. They had complimentary apples at the reception desk.

I felt very, very, very out of place, so since then I have avoided such establishments.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 23 May 2008, 9:19, closed)

I only stay in posh hotels
when work is paying for it. Or when someone else is paying for it. Or when it's 'only' 100 dollars per night because I'm in some mad place where money becomes less real.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 23 May 2008, 9:22, closed)

Ooooh...
The stories I could tell you about posh hotels...

I worked for a company that makes hotel furniture, and used to have to go measure the rooms up on site...

So, I've walked in on a number of exciting things.
( Cawl, Fri 23 May 2008, 9:22, closed)

@Kaol
Details my friend, details!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 23 May 2008, 9:36, closed)

Well...
There was the time I walked in (after knocking, giving it 30 seconds, knocking again, saying "Maintainence" and letting myself in) on a business-man getting oral relief from one of the chambermaids.
( Cawl, Fri 23 May 2008, 9:40, closed)

^
I bet that you catching them was part of the thrill.

(Were you carrying a large tool?)
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 23 May 2008, 9:43, closed)

I was carrying
A tape measure, a laser-measurer, a clipboard and a pen.

I should've said I was the "sex inspector", with hindsight.

EDIT: I'm always carrying a large tool.
( Cawl, Fri 23 May 2008, 9:46, closed)

Isn't it traditional
...to walk in carrying a h-u-g-e spanner, and say "I'm here to fix the plumbing" in a Dutch accent?
( Fireflier La la la la, not listening on, Fri 23 May 2008, 11:29, closed)

It is...
But I was a site surveyer...
*points at massive tool*
( Cawl, Fri 23 May 2008, 11:32, closed)

I've stayed in posh hotels
I spent a week at the Royal Crescent in Bath once. In a suite no less.
I've also stayed at the hotel attached to the Kodak Theatre - the one where the Oscars are given out.

I'm classy me.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 23 May 2008, 11:48, closed)

*sniffs*
I wish I was as classy as chickenlady.
( Bazongaloid, Fri 23 May 2008, 13:38, closed)

Tell you what Al,
You can borrow my ball gowns and heels next time you want to look classy.

But not tonight because tonight


I'M OFF TO THE BALL!!!
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 23 May 2008, 13:43, closed)

Ooooooo
*squeals in delight*

*practices swishing his ballgown*

*realises his manager is sitting not two feet from his desk*

*takes of high heels*

*wonders if that's why he got yelled at by builders this morning*

*doesn't care because he's just so fabulous darling*
( Bazongaloid, Fri 23 May 2008, 14:29, closed)

Yes
It will be fabulous dahhling!

Poor old PJM has to wear a monkey suit...I get to look all fabulous in a floor-length blue gown with sparkles on it that makes me look like either a Vegas showgirl or a cheap hooker. Either works for me, frankly.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 23 May 2008, 14:38, closed)

Cheap Hooker?
*sharpens knife*
( Cawl, Fri 23 May 2008, 14:42, closed)

Surely its a bit cruel
you get to wear blue sparkles and he has to wear fancy dress?

Post a pic so we can revel in it's sparkly goodness. And have fun. And don't get too drunk. And don't kiss any strange men (PJM is probably okay though). And be home by eleven etc. etc.

oh and most importantly, watch out for Kaol.
( Bazongaloid, Fri 23 May 2008, 14:46, closed)

Carriages are from 2am
I like that - Carriages. Just like we're all Cinderella.

I've managed to persuade my mum to come and pick us up so we don't have to fork out for a taxi.

I'm not worried about Kaol - there'll be plenty of other floozies there. And the ladies' rugby team (of which I'm not a member on account of being scared of them...as well as being useless at catching and throwing).

*EDIT* I will take photos....
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 23 May 2008, 14:50, closed)

I'm so there
Where is it?
( Cawl, Fri 23 May 2008, 14:52, closed)

Hahahahaha!
Not telling.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 23 May 2008, 15:03, closed)

Can we play twenty questions
for the answer?
Is it in Suffolk?
( Cawl, Fri 23 May 2008, 15:04, closed)

No
Further south than Suffolk.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 23 May 2008, 15:09, closed)

Is it
Essex?
( Cawl, Fri 23 May 2008, 15:10, closed)

It's in portsmouth
It's a sailors ball.
( Bazongaloid, Fri 23 May 2008, 15:17, closed)

Ha ha ha!
Wrong again!

Here's a clue....it's a funny shaped ball....
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 23 May 2008, 17:43, closed)

Canvey Island!
AICMFP

Everything there is funny-shaped.
Especially their balls.
Damn inbreds.
( Cawl, Fri 23 May 2008, 17:45, closed)

Bugger!
You guessed!
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 23 May 2008, 17:59, closed)