Nan...
Sitting round the dinner table one Boxing Day – my Nan, not a massive racist – but possibly the funniest woman on the planet.

Sitting back and rubbing her belly , she declared…

“Right I’m I’m nipping the loo for a Shirly Bassett”

My aunty corrected her by saying:

“don’t you mean an Eartha Kitt?”

“Bah – oh well – its one of them black ones anyway”


Haven’t laughed so hard for years…
(Pat mustard, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 12:55, 7 replies)

fucking ace!

(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 13:10, closed)

Not a racist story, but related:
If you've had too many beers and curry the night before, or even if you're just a FB like me, sometimes after a good dump you have to go back to the loo a bit later for a second clean-up. This is known as a "re-wipe".
Now my ex father-in-law just happens to have the initials "RW". As I have a teenage son, I can now refer to the process as going for a "Grandad". My son and my brothers love this and it's even better because I can use the term in otherwise polite company and no-one outside the family has the slightest idea what I'm talking about or why it's so funny.
( P-MONKE We're all fucked, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 13:15, closed)

That's just wiping your arse in two sittings.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 15:31, closed)

couldn't you wipe your arse properly the first time?
or do you need one of those mopheads on a stick like proper fatties?
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 15:34, closed)

W T F
?????
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 17:14, closed)

So your story is 'I can't wipe my own arse properly.'
Mods, please move this over to offtopic and/or ban this user.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 18:00, closed)

Bertie Bassett's sister?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 28 Oct 2011, 10:58, closed)