Sally Spectrum
HA! I had buried this one.

When I was about 11 or 12 I used to read those Sinclair Spectrum magazines. "Crash" or something.
They had a classified ad section, and I thought it would be very funny to put one of those lonely heart style adverts in, but PRETENDING TO BE A COMPUTER!!!

So it read something like... "Sally Spectrum needs Amigo with big joystick to fill her" etc etc.
I made three fundamental errors.

1: I pretended to be a female, sex-starved computer.
2: I implied that i wanted sex, and advertised this in a magazine for pubescent boys who were socially backwards.
3: At the end I PUT DOWN MY ACTUAL ADDRESS.

So the letters started coming in, most of them quite straightforward. I had one from an undertaker's assistant, and one weird one with a death metal tape enclosed. All bearable until one day my dad said "Browser, its the telephone for you. They are asking for Sally Spectrum, presumably thats you".

So I picked up the phone and a grown man said "Hello Sally, when shall I come round and fill your little hole then?" I stammered that it was a joke and he said "oh" and hung up. The phone then rang 5 minutes later; it was the Trades Descriptions department, and they were going to come round and put me in prison.

I sat in my room and cried for a few hours, but they never came round in the end. In hindsight it must have been a different department; the Computer Advertisement Authority or something, but they have't tracked me down yet.

Sorry for length of my floppy disc hard drive joystick suck cum computer slut.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Fri 23 Feb 2007, 13:45, Reply)