My Greatest RegretsWhen I was still quite young, I was offered the chance to spend several weeks in the South of France. My Uncle was going to drive me down in his vintage MG sports car. There would be sun, sand and, crucially, French girls.
I was too scared of the French girls to go.
What do you regret not doing?
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chthonic, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 13:25)
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An Ode to TimmyI used to have a pet tortoise as a child, Timmy. We used to keep him in the back garden. He wasn't the quickest of creatures as you can imagine so he didn't take much looking after. Now, our garage is right outside the back garden gate and as my dad's a keen gardener he was always in and out the garage so the back garden gate was usually always open.
My mother used to always joke, "QUICK, SHUT THE GATE OR TIMMY WILL ESCAPE", of course we could've given Timmy a 3 month headstart to runaway and he still wouldn't of gotten too far. One morning though I awoke and went out to feed Timmy some lettuce leaves. I looked around, I couldn't see him. The back gate was swinging back and forth in the wind, then I looked all round the garden, including looking in the neighbours gardens, but still couldn't find him.
My father said he would drive up the top of the street to see if he could see any signs of him. To this day, I know my father regrets not shutting that gate.....regrets not having a thorough search.....but most of all regrets not checking his wing mirrors before reversing out the garage...CRUNCH.
To this day I remember my dad breaking the news to me.
"Well son, I've got some good news and bad news".
"Ooooo" pipes up I, "What's the good news?".
"Well, I've found Timmy".
"And the bad news Daddy?".
"Ermmmm....I've found Timmy".
I hated my father for weeks after it I totally despised him, and I even wrote a poem for Timmy which I read out at his funeral. I wore my best scowling expression, and emphasised the main words just to make my dad feel worse.
Timmy Timmy I love you
I remember your eyes so blue
Oh Timmy where are you
I'm right here, in the middle of the road you speccy ignoramus bastard, can't you see me you short sighted cunt, get out your car and look, no don't reverse...ARGGHHHH
And with that Timmy was given an official ceramonius flush down the toilet.
Apologies for length Timmy, at 2 years it should've been much more longer if it wasn't for dopey dad
(, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 22:45, Reply)
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