mad sam
i once foolishly started dating a girl based on the fact she had big blue eyes, perky tits and wanted to choke down mym hog right there in the club.
warning signs i ignored..
1: saying 'i love you' when she left in the morning.

really, it shouldn't have gone further, but i was somewhat delusional on the old party prescriptionds at the time, and a bit emotionally spannered from the last nutjob (whole epic coming soon)

2: turning up unannounced that night with a bag saying she was staying for a couple of days- (my brain was going 'hang on' but my penis was going 'listen fucker, it's been six months, you fuck this up i'll assfuck you while you sleep so help me GOD')

3: constant, needy text messages. i mean every ten minutes or sooner, until i'd fall asleep then there's be a dozen waiting in the AM.

4: introducing me to her parents as her 'fiance' after a week and a half- both her parents gave me a look which, in hindsight, said 'JUST FUCKING RUUUUNNNNNN!!!!!'

5: this was the grand finale. i had to work late. she decided i was seeing another girl. i rang her from work and said 'call this number, see who answers and how' sure enough- through to switchboard. she's having none of it, turns up at my work. i come out, she's having none of it, i'm screwing someone in the warehouse. fuck this, back inside. she storms off screaming crying and gibbering.
goes very quiet.
turns up the next day a bit subdued, i think fuck it, might as well dump my nuts again. afterwards, she goes for a shower, comes back crying, tells me she was so angry last night she went and got spitroasted by her two horrible skaggy chav mates in a squat. wonderful! so, without further ado, i tell her to GTFO and not come back.
she spazzes the fuck out, screaming, hitting me, refusing to leave. i call her parents, they tell me good luck, i'm on my own.
finally, with the help of a housemate and his gf, bundle her into the girl's car, drive her at top speed, while having to physically restrain her crazy screaming ass to her house, where she promptly leaps out the car door, sprints across the road into the dark. off we drive, all is well until about an hour later when her dad calls me to say it's ok, they've found her, she was sitting inside the fencing of one of those electrical substation box things screaming obscenities.

total time of dating- two.fucking.weeks.

mad bint. and you know what? literally about four years later i see her in a local club. i ignore her, then i'm at the bar with my girlfriend at the time, and her big fat mate comes bumbling up, pushes my girl aside, and says to me 'SAM LOVES YOU WHY ARE YOU IGNORING HER?!?!
waht?
i said 'well, considering we left it as her fucking two dudes because i had to work late, and me dumping her, i feel that's the best way.'

later she cornered my gf in the toilet and told her a bag of lies that i was sleeping with her, we were engaged etc.. even gave her dates, one of which was when my gf and i were at a gig in london.
Reading breeds mad bitches.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 14:11, 15 replies)

Good story
Which pub did you see her in? Would set the scene for me, as a Reading resident. I'm gonna have a guess here anyway...The Scream pub in Cemetry Junction????
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 14:20, closed)

haha no, one better
the TUC as was, now known as Face bar in chatham st.

i'm soon NOT to be a reading resident, got about two weeks left on my sentence, then off to brighton

i live near the junction tho.. that pub's not a scream bar any more is it?
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 14:23, closed)

To
be honest pete the last time I drank in there was about 4 years ago, when I was chasing some stooodent skirt. Still beats the hell out of the last pub that was there....The Jack of both sides, nobody was welcome unless you were buying crack...nice place!

Face bar- Hmmm, I used to live around there for my sins, just round the corner from central swimming pool. If I remember rightly the area did contain a few loons..hehe

Anyways good luck with the move to Brighton!!
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 14:50, closed)

me too
george street. i came home one day and the road was police cordoned off, busting open a crack den. that's when i found out the pub up the road was a lesbian pub.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 15:13, closed)

Oh yes
That sounds about right, I used to live in James St, which is that tiny road off of George St, we used to come back every weekend to find a drunk collapsed outside our house...usually through alcohol but sometimes beaten up, delightful area :\
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 16:49, closed)

Nah
Changed a month or two ago
(lilben81, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 15:56, closed)

I think we might actually have a winner here
She sounds like a weapons-grade basket case.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 22 Oct 2010, 14:44, closed)

she ain't got SHIT on the preceding one.

(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 14:46, closed)

Pray tell :D

(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 14:50, closed)

see latest story
it's the motherlode.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 15:15, closed)

Cheers!!!!!!
I will read the next installment
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 16:46, closed)

Fookin hell
You serious? What the hell do you do to them man? ;-)
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 22 Oct 2010, 14:53, closed)

i take (took) too much shit on the chin
and didn't say anything. that's my fault. give em an inch, they'll take a mile, an overdoes, and half your clothes and cds
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 15:15, closed)

agreed!
(Lip Up Fatty Fatty Reggae still loves BBQ food on, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 15:54, closed)

That was an amazing story
Particularly enjoyed 'dumping my nuts' - literary genius!
( miltonlives on, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 14:59, closed)