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This is a question Saying the Unsayable

Freddie Woo tugged our coat and asked: Have you ever had to tell someone they had BO? Had to break dreadful news to somebody? Tell us how you broke through the cringe barrier

(, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 16:09)
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Technical Acumen
A contract job in the UK turned pear-shaped for me due to a throw-away remark. I was hauled before an HR board to discuss my "racist comments" to a co-worker.

It started when one of the computer admins left and his job was posted on the internal website.

"Windows Admin role?" chirruped a girl who worked near me. "Look at the salary!! That's 4 times what I get paid. I'm going to apply."

I looked at her said:

"A Windows admin role needs a really high degree of technical knowledge - and you have the technical abilities of a chocolate biscuit. You can't even use Outlook"

She laughed - and then went to HR to charge me with racism. She was English/Indian and was about as dark as I get when I stand in front of a light bulb for an hour.

The HR interview was fun. (Aside: Why are almost all HR Harpies female?) Apparently, my crime was the use of the word "chocolate" when I described her technical skills.

"Why did you use that word?" snarls Harpy1 "Was it a reference to her Indian heritage"

"Not at all" I replied. "At the time I was eating my lunch and had chocolate digestive in my hand. I just used it to illustrate a point. The point being that my biscuit had more technical acumen than her"

Anyways. This shit went on for a couple of hours. HR wanting to fire me. My boss and his boss telling them there were being ridiculous and I was needed to finish the project I was on. Then, all was adjourned until the next day so HR could poll the people who who worked with me to see if I was a KKK member.

Late the next day I was told that all complaints were dropped.

Designated Driver - nicknamed Desi, was cap-wearing, pork-dodging, full-bearded member of our Muslim community. I'd just recommended him for promotion.

One of the girls from the support center went mental. She was one of my leper-colony, smoking mates. Indian, very dark skin and a thick accent. I'd had her and her husband over for dinner a few times.

Moral of the story is, if you have to describe someones ability and refer to a biscuit - don't use the word chocolate.


TLDR - some bint tried to get me sacked by calling her technical ability as on par with a chocolate biscuit.
(, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 12:54, 22 replies)
My brother's told me similar stories,
working in the police, who seem to be a bit over-sensitive.

Can you explain the bit about Desi and the mental leper?
(, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 13:19, closed)
that bit took me two reads as well
Those two were non-white types who presumably stood up for him.
The 'going mental' is presumably a comment on her attitude when asked by HR - "Is he a bit Jim Davidson?"

(, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 19:09, closed)
Ah, I see. Thanks.
Bit odd the way the story ends, then he shoehorns that last bit in, as if to say "I can't be racist! Why, I even have two friends who are ethnic minorities!"
(, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 20:11, closed)
Unnervingly similar
to the plot of Philip Roth's 'The Human Stain'. Shorter though.
(, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 15:43, closed)
Why didn't you let her apply and not be picked
No skin off your nose is it?

There was no need to be a pompous prick about it
(, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 16:16, closed)
Oh I think there was.
If he didn't wrap himself in a comforting blanket of pompous prickery then he'd eventually come face-to-face with the reality of his tragic loveless existence.

(, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 17:54, closed)
That really told him didn't it!
Because having you call someone a pompous prick really ups the bar. Given as you're an expert in this area.

Keep up the good work.
(, Wed 16 Jan 2013, 13:04, closed)
I like this story
and I'm glad you keep posting in the face of all the predictable flaming.
(, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 17:54, closed)
Why would they need to contrive a baseless allegation of racism
when they could have simply dismissed you for being a charmless misogynist prick?
(, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 17:56, closed)
Not a sackable offence. If it was we wouldn't have a Government. Or b3ta.
(, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 18:32, closed)
Ahh Legless
you silly fucking TimTam!
(, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 21:01, closed)
Very funny.
But replace "chocolate" and "biscuit" with "touch" and "tar brush". How funny is it now?

Then replace "technical ability" with "white heritage". Still laughing?

And what if, instead of having them round for dinner, you lynched them and burnt their corpses!


(, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 21:02, closed)
Was he
a toffee nosed malodorous pervert ?
(, Wed 16 Jan 2013, 13:05, closed)
I'm not going to argue with you on that one.

(, Wed 16 Jan 2013, 22:15, closed)
Yes you are...
Though this may well be the wrong room
(, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 14:06, closed)

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