This is a bit difficult for me...
A new girl started working in my office.

She had it all going on all over the place, pretty much a spit for Kat Dennings. As the months went by we spent more and more time with each other. Whenever we went on a work do we'd always end up sitting with each other.

Nothing was ever going to happen, I'm married to The Lovely Mrs Ring of Fire, but it doesn't do the old ego any harm. I promised myself that when the chemistry became just too much for 'Kat' to bare, I'd let her down gently.

And then it happened. We were in a bar one Friday evening, she was talking about how hard it was to find a real man and how 'the boys' in the office were harassing her.

She put her drink down, smiled and looked deep into my eyes, and said;

"That's why I like spending time with you, I know you won't try anything on."

"You're like a cuddly big brother."

Cuddly!?

CUDDLY!!!!!

The cheeky cow.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Sat 12 Jan 2013, 17:58, 25 replies)

Cuddly with a small chance of incest

(Elephant Balderdash attempting to bottle the absurd, Sat 12 Jan 2013, 18:13, closed)

Dude
She knows how you feel about her. I think this is known as 'letting you down gently'.
(El Fandango carved a big EF onto his nemesis' doublet on .., Sat 12 Jan 2013, 18:20, closed)

What this one said ^

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Sat 12 Jan 2013, 19:09, closed)

But..
She also now knows that she's probably in his wank bank.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 14 Jan 2013, 5:18, closed)

The last time I heard that name a really shit ventriloquist was being thrown out of the Arsenal's Christmas party.

(Brigadier an old boot sitting on a man's face - forever, Sat 12 Jan 2013, 18:31, closed)

It took me a second
But I did like this.
(The Kwyjibo A big, dumb, balding North American ape., Tue 15 Jan 2013, 12:46, closed)

PWNED

(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Sat 12 Jan 2013, 18:52, closed)

The real meaning being
'Fuck off you dirty nonce, you're old enough to be my grandfather".
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sat 12 Jan 2013, 19:18, closed)

Top marks for reading and comprehension Battered. Where shall I send your Certificate of Achievement.
Have you been away, not noticed you around recently?
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Sat 12 Jan 2013, 19:26, closed)

Took him that long to read
apeloverage's book.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sat 12 Jan 2013, 22:44, closed)

Nah, he's been putting in serious hours on his second job, as a garden gnome.

Those ponds don't look after themselves.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Sun 13 Jan 2013, 0:41, closed)

Did you miss me?
I was stepped for a week.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sun 13 Jan 2013, 6:55, closed)

Reason given?

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sun 13 Jan 2013, 7:11, closed)

BAN THIS SICK TROLL

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 13 Jan 2013, 16:59, closed)

Where did you bury her?

(FartThroughAWalkieTalkie wished you were dead in ditch on, Sat 12 Jan 2013, 19:20, closed)

Friendzoned is hard to get out of
Brotherzoned must be nigh on impossible.
(Figmaus, Sun 13 Jan 2013, 0:56, closed)

Friendzoned and being told you're fat in one go, the girl has skills.

(el perro grande, Sun 13 Jan 2013, 15:52, closed)

She probably meant "you're a fat creepy dirty old man".
That's what they usually mean when they say that.
Not to me mind. When they say it to me they just mean I'm cuddly.
Yes.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 15 Jan 2013, 9:52, closed)

***gives fat creepy dirty old man secret hand signal***

( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Tue 15 Jan 2013, 13:19, closed)

'Nothing was ever gonna happen'
Well obviously not if she was even slightly attractive but that didn't stop you trying did it you fat, would-be adulterous prick
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 16 Jan 2013, 22:42, closed)

Wrong ringofyre
numbnuts!
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 17 Jan 2013, 0:51, closed)

Just admit you're both the same person

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 8:52, closed)

You alright 2Can? Do you want me to call anyone for you?

( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Thu 17 Jan 2013, 7:08, closed)

You've got his mum's number, yeah?

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 17 Jan 2013, 8:31, closed)

Stop talking to yourself you big fat mental

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 8:53, closed)