Which time?
[Wavy Lines]
I worked at a factory making wheelchairs before embarking on my first business doing repairs and maintenance on them. My boss was an ex-girlfriend's dad (long after the fact) and he knew I smoked a bit - altho never at work. Others weren't fussed too much about the health and safety issues involved in sucking down a canbong every 5 mins whilst operating heavy metalworking machinery.
I was standing at a belt sander/bench grinder linishing some brake couplings and after turning the machine off I turned to my neighbour to say something. As I did, the slowing-down belt caught my glove and pulled my left ring finger thru the smaller of the belts wheels.

Now as any nong who's done even the most basic metalwork will tell you - never wear gloves around machines that have rotating parts for this very reason.
And as any nong who's done even the most basic metalwork will tell - linishing small parts makes them hot. Very hot. So unless you have asbestos hands then basically you have to wear gloves to protect your dainty mitts!

So there I was with a ringfinger now facing the wrong way. As you might expect spiral fractures fucking hurt. Now at this point the foreman - who shall be further known as "Forecunt" and was the obligatory gnarled old workshop lackey made good and earnt his spot so was a royal cunt to everyone because we were all beneath him came and over and not believing me yanked my glove off - pulling the broken bones even more out of kilter. I'm fairly quiet as I'm desperately trying not to vomit or faint with the pain. Forecunt tells me I have to drive myself, in the work ute up to the local medical centre. I point out (thru gritted teeth) that it probably wouldn't be very safe for me to do so as I'm in a slightly-distracting amount of pain and couldn't properly grip the steering wheel. Which he grudgingly agrees with. And drives me grumblingly up to see the doc.

Who, after a brief wait asks why I'm there as this is a workers' compensation issue and is serious enough to have gone to emergency for. She asks what was done to treat me onsite - I point at Forecunt and tell her about his gentle glove removal technique. She splints and imobilises my finger (now about the size of an orange and still facing the wrong way), gives me the strongest painkillers she's got, admonishes the Forecunt and sends me off to emergency to get my finger xrayed and reset.

Forecunt dropped me off at emergency. With my wallet in my bag. At work. So, no id, no money, no fucking anything on me apart from a note from the Dr. Several painfilled hours later I jumped in a cab back to work - to find my bag sitting on the letterbox. Thanks for that Forecunt.

Anyhoo I turned up the following Mon. with my finger splinted preparedto do something. Only to be told I couldn't be onsite due to the insurance issues. That turned into nearly 2 months off work before the doc would put me down as "fit to work" let alone cleared. At least I was paid and had my medical bills covered.
The one day I got a phone call. Could I come down to the office to meet with Ex's Dad and Forecunt. So off I toddled and upon arrival was ushered into a meeting room with the 2 of them, a lawyer and a canbong in the middle of the table. Bear in mind this is weeks since I've been to work, unable to due to an injury and a doctor signing my certificates. I hadn't been smoking whilst on painkillers. When they accused me of smoking bongs at work I simply stated to them that there was no physical way they could prove whether I had or hadn't been smoking on the day. When they tried to get me to sign a disclaimer I told them that as the workshop's union rep I would get the union lawyer to check it (which I did) and get back to them.
The next meeting went a bit differently. I handed them the brief I'd got from the union lawyer. In it was a very carefully worded agreement that gave me a couple of months severance pay and my accrued holiday pay & also a specifically worded letter stating that the company would take responsibility for any further medical treatment I needed for my finger, NOT including re-injury and allowing for any lump sum compensation.

I flipped the the wedding finger as I left with my fat cheque and signed paperwork.

Apparently Forecunt hurt his back and got a big payout from them a few years later. Hope they searched his workspace for canbongs.
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Fri 29 Nov 2013, 7:49, 16 replies)

If only there was some way of bottling the essence of your stories.

You'd be a billionaire, having found the world's best cure for insomnia.

How do you manage to be so dull? HOW???????
(8875589, Fri 29 Nov 2013, 9:43, closed)

I like the way it is suddenly revealed that he had power, due to being the Union rep. Yeah, fuckers!
They were all knelt before me whilst I recited the Union Lawyers letter. They had no choice but to let me get my greasy cock out and piss all over their smug fucking faces. I then left with my severance package (i.e. two days pay)
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Fri 29 Nov 2013, 9:52, closed)

These 'stories' should come with a health warning.

'DANGER! Reading this may cause catatonia. Please wear protective head-gear, as you're liable to slip into a coma and bash your noggin on your keyboard. In fact, just STAY AWAY.'
(8875589, Fri 29 Nov 2013, 10:44, closed)

Yet here you are having read the post and feeling the need to
log out and then comment on it.

The ironing with that is of a level I've only seen before with shambo.
Hello one of shambo's sockpuppet accounts!

Cause that's not weird or creepy.
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Sat 30 Nov 2013, 7:04, closed)

a couple of months severance pay and my accrued holiday pay
Just under $5000. Not bad for a clean cock, no urophilia and about an hours free time with a fairly litigious lawyer.
I could've come away with a lot worse.
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Sat 30 Nov 2013, 7:09, closed)

You smoke dope at your workplace, use heavy machinery as part of your job, and lo and behold, hurt yourself. Lucky this country has compo, hey?
( Ken Oath, Fri 29 Nov 2013, 11:00, closed)

You might need to read a bit more closely next time
My boss was an ex-girlfriend's dad (long after the fact) and he knew I smoked a bit - altho never at work.
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Fri 29 Nov 2013, 19:18, closed)

Makes more sense on 2nd reading.
The latter part came across like you were arguing with them regarding smoking at work, rather than just outright denying it.

Still don't know what a canbong is anyway. The blokes I knew who smoked dope used an Orchy bottle (had to be Orchy, dunno why) , blu tac, a bit of garden hose and alfoil.

Seemed like a lot of hassle to collate all the necessary parts to me. I guess its a different effect to rolling it into a ciggie.
( Ken Oath, Sat 30 Nov 2013, 8:55, closed)

Grab a can (Coke or fizzy pop seems to work better than beer)
slightly indent one side so you have a small, flatish area. Pierce indentation with a sharp object several times. Place pot on pierced area, light up, suck down harsh pot smoke from can opening.
Cough to get off.
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Sat 30 Nov 2013, 20:43, closed)

bong on, bro

( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Fri 29 Nov 2013, 19:15, closed)

Not for about 4 or 5 years now.
Might pack a little pipey this arvo for old time-sake. I'm guessing this'll be my last post for today then!
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Sat 30 Nov 2013, 7:13, closed)

Somehow
I very much doubt it.
(mark schmark, Mon 2 Dec 2013, 17:46, closed)