Man: A Chemical Analysis
Element: Man
Symbol: Ah (short for Arsehole)
Atomic Mass: Accepted as 70. May vary from 50-150 kg. Highly reactive at 150 or higher. (avoid at all costs)
Quantitative: Accepted at 7 inches, wavy brown hair, 6' 0" in length, though some isotopes can be as short as 4 inches.
Discoverer: Eve
Occurrence: Found following dual element Wo, often in high concentration near a perfect Wo specimen.

Physical properties:
1) Obnoxious when mixed with C*H*-OH (any alcohol).
2) Tends to fall into very low energy state directly after reaction with Wo (Snore ... zzzzz).
3) Gains considerable mass as specimen ages, loses reactive nature.
4) Rarely found in pure form after 14th year.
5) Often damaged as a direct result of unlucky reaction with polluted form of the Wo common ore.
6) Tarnishes easily. Needs constant polishing and attention
7) Crusty exterior but may be soft underneath.
8) Naturally found in the crude state but may be purified
9) Simple in structure.
10)Often found in the gaseous state.
11)Spontaneous polarity changes relative to surrounding specimens.

Chemical properties:
1) All forms desire reaction with Wo, even when no further reaction is possible.
2) May react with several Wo isotopes in short period under extremely favorable conditions.
3) Usually willing to react with what ever is available.
4) Reaction Rates range from aborted/non-existant to Pre-interaction effects (which tend to turn the specimen bright red).
5) Reaction styles vary from extremely slow, calm and wet to violent/bloody.
6) Great affinity for fatty substances.
7) May react violently under pressure.
8) Low boiling point, high melting point.
9) Attraction to large quantities of iron.
10)Poorly bonds with other substances.
11)Pure substances are rarely found except when covalently bonded.

Storage: Best results apparently near 18 for high reaction rate, 25-35 for favorable reaction style.

Uses: Heavy boxes, top shelves, long walks late at night, general repairs, free dinners for Wo...

Tests:
1) Pure specimen will rarely reveal purity, while reacted specimens broadcast information on many wavelengths.
2) Appearance greatly improves when placed in a sports car.
3) Easily titrates to yellow under stress.
4) Never true blue.

Caution: Tends to react extremely violently when other Man interferes with reaction to a particular Wo specimen. Otherwise very malleable under correct conditions.
( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Wed 30 Dec 2009, 0:43, 1 reply)

Chemically induced bisexual bipolar?

(stuntsmile, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 8:53, closed)