I suppose I better wheel this one out again.
Whilst home alone of an afternoon, I like to create increasingly more contrived methods of automating masturbation.

Mainly because I'm a lazy bastard tbh.

Anyways, after various experiments with powertools and anything I can find about the house, the missus and I were doing some serious redecorating so we hired one of those paint-shaking machines. The sort where you clamp a paint-tin in it and switch it on and it oscillates vigourously, and saves you having to stir it manually.

One of these
www.youtube.com/watch?v=FlkAVA39FVU
Which for some reason looks like a parking meter having a fit.

Anyway, wife goes out and I go searching the house for parts to make a machine-penis interface. I fabricated something with a few layers of felt, rubber bands and gaffa-tape.

I started the machine, it was perfect. So I laid on the table next to it, got into position and set it going at about 60%.

Well that didn't take long, maybe 12 seconds. I'd struck gold in wanking efficiency.

Within maybe just over a minute, I'd cum 3 times and things were getting sticky. So I reached for controls, but in my ecstacy the machine had shuddered out of reach.

This was worrying and as I scrabbled around looking for something to cut the power with, pull the plug out anything. It didn't make it easy the fact that I cum two more times.

I was getting light-headed and was beginning to get distressed, though this was regularly punctuated with climaxes which were producing less and less fluid.

After maybe ten mins, I lost count at about 23 or 24. I lost track of time, but when my missus finally came in and rescued me I calculated that I'd been hooked up to it for best part of an hour and had probably orgasmed maybe 40 times. I looked like someone had glazed my abdomen with a dozen eggs.

The muscles behind the penis-root ached like hell. I now have groin muscles like Geoff Capes' biceps and when I shoot my load now I can hit the far wall with it.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 18 May 2012, 16:26, 13 replies)

W
TF?
(username failed moderation, Fri 18 May 2012, 16:32, closed)

I hope to god this is real, one of the few instances where 'lol' would be accurate. Its directly before situations comparable to these that one should imagine what it would be like if you died half-way through the act.
(isaac_octavius loves you but he's chosen disco, Fri 18 May 2012, 16:35, closed)

I had to read the first half twice
because I thought you had made a rolled up felt penis and had the machine roger you half a dozen times.
( the prick of misery pierced my foot on a spiiiike on, Fri 18 May 2012, 17:25, closed)

I knew I'd seen this story before.
but it was you what wrote it, it seems, so that's ok then.

still find it a bit implausible TBH, but what the hell, well told.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 18 May 2012, 17:26, closed)

So we end the working week with more QOTW lies. Excellent. As expected.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 18 May 2012, 18:38, closed)

I don;t think
we were supposed to take it entirely seriously.

Just my opinion, of course.
(username failed moderation, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:30, closed)

I BELIEVE YOU

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 18 May 2012, 19:19, closed)

Physical impossibility lulz

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Fri 18 May 2012, 19:25, closed)

You're an expert on everything,
I'm pretty sure this would strip skin.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 18 May 2012, 22:45, closed)

oh man, were you all shrivelled up and weak like in a comedy film and that.
wow, that's well mental that is.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Sat 19 May 2012, 7:34, closed)

I believe every word of this,
except the bit about having a wife. Dressing up in women's clothing and prancing about in front of the mirror, doesn't count.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sun 20 May 2012, 9:33, closed)

Are you sure your name isn't spanky?
(GingerIrishTosser isn't dead yet., Mon 21 May 2012, 11:29, closed)

I love this story.
*CLICK*
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 22 May 2012, 17:08, closed)