stay dry
due to this qotw, i recently found myself discussing sex toys with an old friend of mine.
"i don't need sex toys," she said, "i've got something much better!"
there are two things i knew for certain right then:
she doesn't have a boyfriend and
there are some things you really shouldn't know the answers to
nevertheless, i said "what have you got that's better?"
"my power shower", she replies.
i am NEVER getting a shower at her house
*shudders*
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 21 May 2012, 16:14, 22 replies)

I'm sure there must be
some kind of hazard in doing that.

Wouldn't a gallon and a half of water up the mimsy put things under a bit of strain?

Best make sure you stand up straight, at least.
(username failed moderation, Mon 21 May 2012, 17:26, closed)

fucks sake what sort of idiots are you two?
they don't shoot water up their fanny, the sensation of the jet hitting a certain area just feels nice

and as for 'ew she was using her shower to wank', surely that's better than keeping some manky old piece of rubber in a drawer collecting all sorts of dust, germs and shit? and if she was stuffing the whole bloody thing up there, let alone even toucheing the showerhead to her cunt, she's doing it wrong
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 21 May 2012, 17:29, closed)

Three words: sex toy cleaner.
They shouldn't be used after collecting grime and dust, it's a good way to get a yeast infection or something.
( Bats, Mon 21 May 2012, 18:27, closed)

Yes, I understand all that stuff
but it's not inconceivable that the jet can get misdirected.

See, the bits you're talking about, and the bits I'm talking about are quite close to each other. Ask you Mum to show you.
(username failed moderation, Tue 22 May 2012, 9:45, closed)

i don't care what she does with it
just as long as i don't have to touch it afterwards
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 22 May 2012, 11:52, closed)

oh god are you ACTUALLY this retarded?

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 22 May 2012, 8:09, closed)

O hai Janet.
There's a girl talking about nipples further down.

Would't it be a better use of your time to post something sarcastic and pithy about her not being a virgin or something?
(username failed moderation, Tue 22 May 2012, 9:47, closed)

showers, y'know. self cleaning!
just think - most showers you've been in have probably been inhabited by someone having sex at some point..
(EssY, Mon 21 May 2012, 17:37, closed)

Auschwitz?

(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 21 May 2012, 17:47, closed)

Bwahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!111!!11!!!eleventy-one11!!
Best answer ever.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Mon 21 May 2012, 18:54, closed)

Bless you!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 May 2012, 8:23, closed)

yes, but i don't need to know about it!

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 22 May 2012, 11:49, closed)

Doesn't work for me.
And my nips don't go hard in the cold.




I may be dead.
(The Curse of Millhaven. Pretty little mouth underneath all the foaming, Mon 21 May 2012, 18:06, closed)

If you were dead
Then wouldn't your nipples be cold all the time.
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Tue 22 May 2012, 9:56, closed)

Not necessarily.
If you tweak them a bit, the heat from your fingers would warm them up.
(username failed moderation, Tue 22 May 2012, 15:54, closed)

Good point.

(The Curse of Millhaven. Pretty little mouth underneath all the foaming, Tue 22 May 2012, 23:32, closed)

Whos got a good point
I'd rather see a couple
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 23 May 2012, 10:42, closed)

Is this another of those "No sex, please, we're British" things?...

( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 21 May 2012, 18:15, closed)

Is that why you dumped poor beegeebee?

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 21 May 2012, 18:35, closed)

TRL is gay?
Well, you live and learn...
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 21 May 2012, 20:38, closed)

*waggles willy*

(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Mon 21 May 2012, 20:53, closed)

not at all
but i used to share a house with her. it was bad enough when she got a bed on wheels that ended up over the other side of the bedroom after an hour with her then-boyfriend, or the time she ran screaming out of the bedroom, naked, except for the half-frozen angel delight dolloped on her tits >.<
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 22 May 2012, 11:51, closed)