Derek and Clive live on
A girlfriend of mine when I lived in South London was a bit of a goer. She used to have this big black rubber dildo; one with the balls on that could help it stand up by itself. She used to bang herself with it when I was away on business/at pub etc.
We used to use it together occasionally (no, never on me thankfully) and she used to love to shove it all the way up. Once it was all the way in with the black rubber testicles stopping it going any further, she'd get me to try to push it further in (even tho the blackballs were preventing it from happening) as it made her go a little flushed if you know what I mean.
After a while, rather than just puch it, I started hitting the base of it and she fucking loved it. We did this for a quite while and then progressed onto the bit that still makes me laugh to this day.
We would insert it then she'd stand up with her legs apart and I would gently (at first) kick the bottom of it.
As I stood there stark-bollock naked, swinging my leg toward her full snatch, all I could ever think to myself was "I'm the number one cunt-kicker in the world"
Ah, happy days.
(FUXTIX Not my words, Carol, Tue 22 May 2012, 20:39, 11 replies)

Cunt Puncher is more brag-tastic
but only if it's your thingy that's the item in question.
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Tue 22 May 2012, 21:06, closed)

2nded

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 22 May 2012, 21:25, closed)

Sounds
like you REALLY, you know, gave her what for.

You truly are the number one cunt-kicker-innerer in the World...
( Jabberwoc misses D.R. and Quinch, Tue 22 May 2012, 22:23, closed)

I won't claim
to know everything about sex, but I'm pretty sure that you're doing it wrong.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 22 May 2012, 23:02, closed)

Yet another story this week
that has made my lady parts clench up and not in a good way.
(The Curse of Millhaven. Pretty little mouth underneath all the foaming, Tue 22 May 2012, 23:28, closed)

shut up about your fanny.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 23 May 2012, 4:10, closed)

The biggest fanny around here
Seems to be a troll called Janet
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 23 May 2012, 10:22, closed)

poitdh

( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Wed 23 May 2012, 8:04, closed)

oh, you.
ladykiller, more like.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 23 May 2012, 8:23, closed)

just roumer my dear just a roumer

( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:25, closed)

herself with it all my mates and the neighbours. And their mates too
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 23 May 2012, 16:43, closed)