My sex misconceptionsFreddy Woo writes, "aged eight, a boy from my class told me everything these was to know about sex: male prostitutes are called destitutes and women use tampons to stop men sticking their willies up them. Also, women pee out their bums, something I didn't realise was wrong until I was about 18 and my first girlfriend looked at me aghast."
Share everything - Uncle B3ta wants to know.
zero points for conception/misconception jokes
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chthonic, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 15:54)
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I don't think he was listeningEarlier this year, I had a fairly brief relationship with a 33 year-old mother of two.
She had two boys aged nine and three.
One day I was in the kitchen and decided to give her a hug while she was doing dishes. She turned round to hug me back when the elder child came in.
Seeing us hugging he said,
"Mummy? Is BK your boyfriend?"
She replied in the affirmative and he said,
"Do you do.....SEX?"
Slightly taken aback she asked if he knew what it was, and he said he didn't and trotted off to smack his little brother over the head with a stick as he was wont to do.
As a result his mum, in her infinite wisdom, decided I was obviously a new and repsonsible father figure in the young spod's life, and decided that the next time I took him out with me to walk the dog that I should give him what she portentously called, The Talk.
Affecting the role of cool, unfazed cool adult, I duly did this. I didn't tell him any stork or cabbage patch bollocks. I told him what the bits were called, where they went, what happened if you put them there, how you could be guaranteed a slap if you attempted to put some bits inside other bits etc. The important stuff.
He nodded sagely, obviously slightly discomfited. I gave him a fatherly and playful chuck on the chin and went to get a beer, pleased at a job well done.
I thought nothing more of it until a week or so later, when we'd taken them and their slightly retarded friend to Blackpool Zoo. We were sat in rare silence on the drive back until the lad piped up from tha back, completely apropos of nothing.
"Mummy? BK says you've got a China!"
I gave her a look that said, "Do your own fucking dirty work next time!"
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Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 16:15,
3 replies)
Having been in a smiliar situation...I can only say - *click*
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Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 16:35,
closed)
She should have done it herselfWithout doubt it should come from their parent.
However, well done you for giving it a shot!
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chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 17:12,
closed)
lolWell done "me ol' China!".... he he.
(, Fri 26 Sep 2008, 12:11, closed)
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