Right.
Ok, so I am telling this story ONLY at the request of a certain b3tan who I utterly adore. It's the story of my first attempt to lose my virginity.

Now at the age of 17 my mind was a mass of mad thoughts and sensations and needs and wants. Being able to focus on anything for more than 10 minutes was an achievement.

So, along comes a sunny Tuesday afternoon. The fateful day that my first girlfriend was stupid enough to allow me into her twadge.

Now, as I previously mentioned I had the attention span of a squirrel in a house of mirrors. Because of this, I encountered a slight problem when putting on a condom. You see, the little impulse in my brain that was saying "the reason it won't roll on is because you're putting it on upside down, you twat!" was trying to get to the comprehension part of my brain, and was stuck behind two fat impulses blocking the way that were just busy slobbering and going "seeeeeeeexxxxxx!". End result?

Pull it on. Not budging.
Pull it on harder. Not budging.
Pull even harder. It pings off.

And lands...

...right on her forehead.

We decided to wait and try another day.
(GONEism, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 18:55, 5 replies)

Excellent shot!
This scene will be used in the next 'American Pie' type film.
( FeralCatMan Unusual disease collector., Thu 25 Sep 2008, 19:00, closed)

*feels obliged to share own virginity story*
*doesn't*

Ha ha, nice one badongism!

*clicky*

Afterthought... as an abstract noun, the pinging of a condom onto a person's forehead sounds like your username.
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 21:36, closed)

I can't believe you've only been here 19 days
you is teh funnies.
(misskitty reeks of sex and turpentine; laudanum afternoons, Fri 26 Sep 2008, 4:52, closed)

Excellent
"the attention span of a squirrel in a house of mirrors...."

You deserve a click for that!
(Taunting Lunatics Belming at you since, Fri 26 Sep 2008, 9:52, closed)

twadge?!!
not heard that one before :D
( gypsy turnips, Sat 27 Sep 2008, 22:58, closed)