The Weapon
someone had a misconception about my sexuality, does that count?

I used to share a house with another bloke. We often joked about how the neighbours probably thought we were gay. It wasnt helped by the fact that neither of us had been doing too well on the girlfriend front either.

Nick, my housemate, had recently been to the Erotica show in London, where he purchased The Weapon. This was a 10" rubber cock, which, he claimed, he wanted to try out on this young lass he'd recently hooked up with. (I believe she said something along the lines of "you're not putting that fucking thing anywhere near me"!)

Anyway, Nick was a slob. He thought nothing of leaving dirty plates on the floor until they were covered in mould. He was a spoilt little rich kid who'd had servants to do all that kind of thing. I hated the mess, but I wasnt prepared to clean up after him, and it was his house, so it just stayed messy.

At some point or other, this big dildo ended up on the floor in the middle of the sitting room. I wasnt going to touch it, and not just because I wasnt Nicks housekeeper, I also didnt trust him and wasnt sure where it might have been! So it stayed on the floor. It was there so long Id kind of stopped seeing it.

Then one day, there was a knock at the front door. I opened it to see my Glaswegian neighbour

"alreet pal, go any skins?"


Ahh, ok, sure Ive got skins. So I went upstairs to locate a spare pack of Rizla. Whilst up there, I heard a kind of *cough/splutter/laugh/"fuggin shite"/cough/laugh* from my Rizlaless visitor.

Oh fucking bollocks. He's seen the big rubber cock. Two men, living together, big rubber cock in the living room.

I thought about trying to explain to him that it had nothing to do with me, but I already knew that nothing I said would convince him otherwise. So I just handed him a pack of skins and shut the door.

The walls of those houses were paper thin. For ages afterwards I could hear howls of laughter from next door, punctuated by occasional words in broad Glaswegian, such as "rubber cock", "dildoo" and so on.

I moved out soon after.
(Lionel Tiger, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 20:45, 2 replies)

I had a very similar experience once!
Which probably qualifies as the single most embarrassing moment of my life (and god help me, I've had a few of those).

My best friend is gay and for some reason (well, the reason is obvious) had acquired a gigantic double-ended dildo. It was a huge, flesh-coloured, veiny horror, but I was intrigued by the thing and took it home with me to intimidate/pester my boyfriend with.

Anyway, I completely forgot about it until one day two mates of my boyfriend were visiting and were checking out the cellar which they were going to turn into a rehearsal space. One of them spotted The Dildo, which had found its way into an open backpack and exclaimed: "Look there! That thing is ENORMOUS!" He then proceeded to eh, whip it out and play with it.

I was already horrified, I wouldn't have cared if they were my friends but I didn't know these people well at all at the time.

Flustered, I answered: "But it's not mine! I only took it home to play with!"

*insert awkward silence here*

Luckily for me they never mentioned it again :P
(St. Dymphna, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 2:05, closed)

I laughed at the thought that
Scottish people say "dildoo."

Sorry. I've been drinking.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 1 Oct 2008, 0:06, closed)