Well
I'll give you the capsicum argument as my missus had already corrected me.

And seeing that you're playing nicely now, so will I.

I think there's a world of difference, hell a UNIVERSE of difference between KMWIP's case, where he rubbed chilli on a vibrator and his ex voluntarily had it stuck inside her. Yes, it would have hurt, yes it probably would have been excruciating, but I still think it was more than deserved. BB's case is entirely different. That was rape and then having chilli forced into her. I can't imagine how that must have been for her. But it's still a world away from KMWIP's case.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 14:30, 1 reply)

Playing nicely
I agree it's a completely different situation and BB's experience was much much worse. But I do think that her description casts KMWIP's action in a rather less favourable (and less funny) light.

In a more general sense I think it worries me because there's such an increase in people feeling that they have to resort to physical retribution in response to having been given offence or suffering emotional pain. The apparent epidemic of knife crime in London is, I suspect, partly due to people's failure or inability to shrug off things that they should be able to deal with. Even if the intention isn't lethal, the outcome can be (I'm aware that a supermarket altercation isn't as emotionally traumatic as a relationship breakup):

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1025855/Murder-checkout-Shopper-killed-Sainsburys-queue-jumping-row.html

ETA: apologies for posting a link to the mail, I feel dirty. In case it's not clear from that article, he apparently punched (and killed) someone who was not involved with the original altercation.
(flimflam_machine, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 14:45, closed)

I'm Not
advocating physical retribution for infidelity but there should be *some* sort of payback. At one time there was societies condemnation and, in the divorce courts, financial penalties were exacted on the guilty party. Not these days.

And I'm making a distinction between infidelity (overlapping relationship - gotta love that term) and the break-up of a relationship. Break-up's happen. People fall out of love. It's sad but it happens. But that doesn't excuse infidelity. You should finish with your current relationship before embarking on another.

And yes, I know that sometimes one party in a relationship can fall in love with someone else. In that case, finish the current relationship before consummating the new one. I mean, come on, it's the least you can do.

It's down to respect. Respect for your former partner, respect for what you had together and respect for yourself. Doing it the decent way at least allows the slim chance that they can one day be friends again.


But I can't equate what I'm arguing for with the current wave of knife crime in London. That has fuck-all to do with what I understand about respect. Their version of respect is respect based on fear. "You looking at me you fuck?" or, as it used to be in Newcastle "You calling my pint a puff?"

So physical retribution when someone is caught cheating isn't what I want. It might be what I feel but it would be wrong. But there really should be some sort of penalty. A week in the stocks (mushy fruit only), a tattoo on the forehead "I CAN'T KEEP MY KNICKERS/UNDERPANTS UP" or, at the very least, some sort of shunning.

Yeah. I know. I sound like a really old bastard and should just get over it. But think of this. Think of the suicides, attempted suicides, major depression and the rest of the associated damage. True, you get this with a normal break-up but it's multiplied a thousandfold when infidelity is thrown into the mix.

Do you think I've got my point across that I think cheating is bad? I bloody hope so 'cos now I feel like I'm banging on like the old bore down the pub that no-one will talk to...

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 15:12, closed)

Cheating low-life's obviously in the wrong
"I'm not advocating physical retribution for infidelity..."

Your response to KMWIP makes it sound like you are:

"So good on you Kiss.Me.Where.I.Poo. I, for one, salute you."


"... but there should be *some* sort of payback."

I agree that it would be nice if there were some kind of payback and, on reflection, I would hope that the loss of a long-term relationship and the contempt of all the couple's mutual friends should be a downside to infidelity. In a perfect world it there would be a legal recourse, but I think that this is simply too complicated an problem to be dealt with officially.


"Do you think I've got my point across that I think cheating is bad?"

I don't think that anyone ever disputed that. Nor do I think that anyone but BB thought that KMWIP was actually a rapist. Those two points can, I think, be taken as read from now on.

I think some people are disapproving of KMWIPs actions because they recognise that it is basically a really nasty act camouflaged by an, admittedly quite amusing, "she got chili on her snatch" story (god knows we've seen a few of those). If he had simply gone round and slapped her I think fewer people would have been so amused and approving, and that would have been less painful and, in light of BB's comments, less likely to cause her long-term physical damage.

My point about knife crime was not really about respect (however that word is misused). But I think there is a similar sense (if not degree) of overreaction in the response, and the escalation from an emotional/perceived-social slight to a physical one. "That bloke's looking at me funny so I'll stab him" vs. "That woman's hurt my feelings so I'll cause her intense genital pain." Although the outcome is obviously very different I think they both stem from a failure to deal with the slight without resorting to physical violence. A tenuous comparison I know but arguably there is some common ground and I think that a civilised society is largely built on supressing their initial urge to react physically to any such problem.

Oh, and "relationship-overlap" is a spineless and weaselly bit of language. I'm with you 100% there.
(flimflam_machine, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 16:11, closed)