the other one.
When I was 9, I'd heard of the term "rubber johnny". (for those not familiar with the term, sheath, condom, prophylactic etc).

I knew the term, and that it was rude, but that was it. I didn't know what one looked like, what it was used for, or where one wore it, if indeed it was something that was worn.

One day, in my brother's bedroom, (my brother being 10 years my senior) as he was putting some clothes away, something fell out of his pocket. I picked it up and asked "what's this?"

He took it off me and said "it's a rubber johnny"
"oh, we call John that at school"
"No, you put it on your nob when you have sex."
"oh, ok." and that was it. It was in the rectangular packet rather than in a circular wrapper. Through the opaque wrapper, it was black (which I suppose might have been a novelty at the time), and to me, it looked not unlike one of those long, black wine gums.

Later on, I thought about what he'd said. You put it on your nob when you have sex... By this time, I could not shake the image of the black wine-gum and I couldn't for the life of me think why someone would put that on their penis.

Moreover, it ocurred to me that it would be awkward to actually balance it on the penis itself (as I had thought that you laid it along the top of the penis lengthways, sideways would just be stupid).

Furthermore, how do you stop it falling off while approaching the woman to have sex, and how would it stay on during intercourse? Did it dissolve in the process? What possible purpose could it serve?

I completely dismissed the idea as stupid, and never thought about condoms for a couple of years until some bloke on the telly was showing people how to put a condom on a plastic willy during the early AIDS scares of the mid 80s.

I never did like the fucking things. Probably why I have 3 kids and had the snip at 21.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 1 Oct 2008, 2:54, Reply)