numbers
I had the chance to have sex with another 4 women (not at the same time) when I were a lad.

1) Andrea (I think) 1st year at uni, she wanted it, I wanted it but had no condoms or access thereto (I was in the halls miles away from any shop and it was 2am)... only when she left did she tell me we could've done it cos she was on the pill. Balls. (having said that, she clearly had no clue about STDs so maybe it was a lucky escape?)

2) Laura, she was the sister of a friend, she had inordinately long nipples which amused me but her parents were in the bedroom next door and I simply couldn't get past that mental block, making it impossible to go through with the deed.

3) H (for that is her initial), I had a massive teenage crush on her when I was 27, but I was proper messed up and rather than noticing she was interested, I presumed she wasn't... even when I woke up next to her (I spent many nights in her bed with her) and she was naked. What a twat I am.

4) N (for that is her initial also), my only chance of sexing up someone who isn't caucasian but to be fair, we'd done too much of that illegal stuff in a nightclub before heading back to hers... I just laid there coughing all night after attempting to stuff my sausage meat into her glove...

Individual regrets yes, but the main reason I regret all 4 is that my favourite number is 23 and I've only shagged 19 girls...
(Ross McBingobangobongo bingobangobongo, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 14:02, 40 replies)

Ah, another virgin.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 14:08, closed)

so a virgin is now
someone who hasn't had sex with over 20 people?
(Ross McBingobangobongo bingobangobongo, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 14:09, closed)

Do animals count?
Girl animals, obviously.

I'm not sick.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 14:16, closed)

hmm, good question...
...if they do then...


nope, still 19 (and that's not because I've only shagged boy animals)
(Ross McBingobangobongo bingobangobongo, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 14:19, closed)

Nineteen barely even counts as heterosexual.

(Kitty Fantastico "Dwarf, Anorexic and In a Fight ", Fri 9 Dec 2011, 14:24, closed)

then tonight, just for you b3tards
I shall dump the wife and go off in the search of fanny!

just to make you all like me, and not think I'm a homo-erectus.
(Ross McBingobangobongo bingobangobongo, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 14:28, closed)

Was that a denial
Or admission?
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 14:27, closed)

which would you rather?
Do you want me to tell you that I have had sex with animals, just so you feel a little less lonely on here?

if it will make you feel better, I did once get caught wanking by my mum, and I managed to hide my pron but made it worse by her assumption I was wanking to the video for 'Stutter Rap'.
(Ross McBingobangobongo bingobangobongo, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 14:30, closed)

:-)

(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 14:38, closed)

Morris and the Minors?

(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 15:12, closed)

yep
the very one, sort of...

it was Morris Minor and the Majors. the finest example of what a difference a consonant can make:

Tony Hawks - walks round Ireland with a fridge, plays tennis against the Moldovans and has a number one hit with a rap parody in 1988.

Tony Hawk - skateboarding legend and pioneer.
(Ross McBingobangobongo bingobangobongo, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 15:17, closed)

Now, if Tony Hawk skateboarded around Ireland with a fridge...

(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 15:41, closed)

and then wrote a book about it
in Moldovan.
(Ross McBingobangobongo bingobangobongo, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 16:03, closed)

I work on the basis that anyone who needs to count the exact number and post it on the internet
is probably a virgin.

When they get arsey and reiterate it, I no longer think 'probably'.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 14:30, closed)

arsey?
I was merely asking a question.

I couldn't get to sleep a few weeks ago, I decided I'd try and count the girls I'd slept with... it was annoying when I got to 19 but there may be some I forgot as I am very old now.
(Ross McBingobangobongo bingobangobongo, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 14:32, closed)

Sheep
shagger?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 14:35, closed)

is that your best?
really?
(Ross McBingobangobongo bingobangobongo, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 14:44, closed)

I think the implication you could be Welsh
Or at least try to fall asleep by counting girlfriends jumping over a gate, was in it's way quite humerous.

Although it could have been accidental.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 14:55, closed)

Oh, come on.
Counting conquests, to get to sleep -> counting sheep -> you shag sheep.

OK, Oscar Wilde won't be spinning in his grave, but it wasn't that bad.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 14:55, closed)

At the risk of the rest of the board thinking we're having some sort of affair,
I was just jealous that you beat me to that joke.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 14:59, closed)

Isn't it romantic
when we
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 15:01, closed)

...finish each other’s sentences.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 15:08, closed)

Oh, scarpe!
Take me, now!
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 15:11, closed)

oh, ok...

(Ross McBingobangobongo bingobangobongo, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 15:18, closed)

The more words you type
the more I heard "virgin virgin virgin virgin". It's like a mantra. A mantra of virginity.

Virgin.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 14:39, closed)

with that level of protestation
one can only presume...




that's right, I'm trotting out _that_ Shakespeare quote, aren't I the intelligentest and therefore the bestestest?
(Ross McBingobangobongo bingobangobongo, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 14:44, closed)

"How now, how now! how go maiden-heads?"

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 14:55, closed)

I was thinking more...
"no one expects the Spanish Inquisition!"

(that's Shakespeare right?)
(Ross McBingobangobongo bingobangobongo, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 15:19, closed)

Quoting Monty Python?
That's definitely not the sort of thing a virgin would do.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 15:20, closed)

alright then...
maybe we can make a pact, if we both reach 40 and we're still virgins, we'll bum each other to death... I'll go first.
(Ross McBingobangobongo bingobangobongo, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 15:36, closed)

You are taking this awfully seriously aren't you?
You know I didn't really think you were a virgin?

Didn't...
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 15:41, closed)

looking back (fnarr)
it was a little more hostile than I originally intended... what can I say, I'm massively frustrated!
(Ross McBingobangobongo bingobangobongo, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 15:52, closed)

Can I give somebody my spare account details
and they can run through these entries and shout "VIRGIN" at all of them? Only I'm a bit busy at work today. Ta.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 14:38, closed)

All of them?
Including yours?

Virgin
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 14:58, closed)

All of them.
Including mine and including the replies. Recursive virgining.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 15:21, closed)

Wouldn't that like, well, upset some people?
Well obviously only the virgins, but this is such a friendly place.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 17:20, closed)

God you are SUCH a virgin.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 19:39, closed)

Ah...
So animals don't count then.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 22:46, closed)

I hope this is going as well as you imagined

( Regger, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 15:43, closed)

aye
I don't post on here when I feel delicate... I know what happens
(Ross McBingobangobongo bingobangobongo, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 15:52, closed)