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This is a question Biggest Sexual Regret

Our glorious leader Rob asks: Most of us have done it, right? You've seen a grown lady/man naked, right? What's your biggest regret connected to The Acts of Venus? "Your Mum" does not an answer make, but big fat lies about threesomes are welcome.

(, Thu 8 Dec 2011, 13:34)
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I was 18 and just hanging around the street with my friend and his girlfriend.They suggested we walk to the local park to see if anything interesting was happening.They bumped into a girl they knew well. I had seen her about and had heard she was a bit of a wrong un.

Anyhoo, 15 minutes later i was told she wanted to 'get off' with me.
To my mind, that meant a bit of kissing.It soon became apparent that my expectations were about to be surpassed.

After a heavy kissing session underneath a street light at the park, she unzipped my jeans and started to fumble inside......

I was struck by a moment of sheer terror, and the now 38 year old even added me on Facebook to post on my wall about it -

24 hours earlier a friend had arrived back from holiday.He thought it would be a funny holiday present to buy me the biggest pair of blue saggy Y-fronts you have ever seen. Now, as a typical 18 year old in 1988, underwear was not being put in the wash basket as often as it should.So, with the underwear as scarce as it was, i thought who the hell is gonna see them?

'But it's only massively saggy blue Y-fronts,' i hear you not shouting.
Did i mention there was a massive turkey on the front with the motif 'Gobble gobble?'

The first time a girl puts her hand inside my trousers,and i'm hanging on to chastity for the sake of a fuckin' turkey!

She saw it and pissed herself laughing.It killed the moment and we never spoke again until 2 years ago on FB.

She asked me if i had ever told anyone about it.I told her i had posted about it on an anonymous forum a couple of years ago....

She asked me if there were any replies.

I said; 'yes, one bloke replied - Well, i hope she followed the instructions on the packet!'

She replied back; 'Well, i certainly didn't!'

And we speak even less now.
(, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 0:30, 7 replies)
that is most unfortunate. you'd think she'd be able to follow instructions
(, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 7:53, closed)
My mum
always said, make sure you're always wearing clean pants, you never know what might happen. She neglected to mention about not wearing comedy pants.
(, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 9:17, closed)
I'm not up to date on official NHS A&E admissions processes
but I believe (only believe, mind) that they are not allowed to abandon emergency operations when the victim is wearing rubbish undies.

It's political correctness gone mad.
(, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 9:27, closed)
It's more the embarassment
Mrs Smale, I'm afraid I have bad news. Your son was wearing comedy turkey pants, the elastic had gone so they didn't fit properly, and he had skid marks and suspicious stains. The ambulance crew, the admissions doctor, the A&E staff nurse, the consultant and the entire ICU team saw them; that's about 20 people. Oh yes, and he got knocked over by a car and he's croaked.
(, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 10:19, closed)
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to snigger at the terrible underwear of the recently departed pants-loser ...

(, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 10:30, closed)
I once found myself in hospital
with a smashed ankle, and having my jeans and undies cut off me by evil nurses, a long way from friends and family. I foolishly gave moneys to a couple of girls who were visiting the guy in the next bed to me. It was a simple mission, purchase some boxer shorts I could wear when I got out of bed so I didn't have to dangle the carrot as it were. They came back, giggling like hyenas and presented me with white boxers actually featuring a donkey pulling a carrot from the hole. This then is how I was to parade around as they taught me to use crutches, all over the place, up and down stairs and through multiple wards, with the comedy pants shouting "look at me, I'm hilarious with my cartoon donkey undies"
(, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 13:18, closed)
or rather, hee-haw
(, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 13:52, closed)

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