Thank fuck for Gillian Mckeith...
If your having trouble pooing, lift your knees as high as you can while on the loo or put a small stool, (the type you sit on and not the type that comes out of your arse), in front of the loo and put your feet ontop. This action opens up the back passage to it's full extent and thus aids in expelling the excrement.

It works!
( girlinthehole, Sat 29 Mar 2008, 17:44, 7 replies)

I used to bend over
so my chest was resting along my thighs, squeeze and slowly straighten my back, levering the stinky sausage from it's resting place. I told my ex sister-in-law that, she tried it and said it worked for her too!

I feel a little weird now :P
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Sat 29 Mar 2008, 17:52, closed)

i may try that
or i may stick with sniffing amyl nitrate, it works a treat1
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 30 Mar 2008, 2:46, closed)

Ooooh, this is my specialist subject...
Try crossing your legs too. Cross them one way, give it a squeeze. Cross them the other and give it another squeeze.

Don't forget to pace around a bit before exiting, the motion will loosen any extra stools that normally only make themselves known when you jog down the staircase
(Cryptoprocta has abandoned the username of Voodoo Mary, Sun 30 Mar 2008, 13:09, closed)

Popping poppers
to pop a poo in the potty? That stuff makes everything better!
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Sun 30 Mar 2008, 15:12, closed)

Gillian McKeith....
...never fails to give me the shits.
Bloody scrawny irritating claw-faced Harridan.
If there was any justice in this world, she would have her anus sewn up to her mouth and would eventually choke and asphyxiate on a lethal cocktail of her own shit and rectal gas.
I'm glad she's helped you to pass motions though, BGB, may I suggest in future "Califig" is a wonderful backup plan. I've managed to completely evacuate my insides with a couple of spoonfuls of that stuff.
(Vic Flange, Sun 30 Mar 2008, 18:57, closed)

that withered little shrew Mckeith
can just fuck off.

grrr
(Halfy By light alone, Mon 31 Mar 2008, 12:51, closed)

In this month's Viz
is a strip called Gillian McKeith's Mumbo Jumbo, in which she and a baby elephant are transporting a sack of bollocks across America...

I just liked the way they kept referring to her as 'the sort-of-like-a-doctor-but-not' and other variations throughout - made me giggle anyway.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 3 Apr 2008, 12:23, closed)