my confession
I'd just like to say, I've been reading the stories on QOTW since thursday and I've been basking in a glow of self-righteousness: I've never stolen anything. Then I mentioned it to some friends last night and all the old memories surged forward:

1: I was in the Brownies, Yay! I was a sixer(boss Brownie). Because of this I was allowed to carry the flag in church ahead of the vicar. This involved fitting a harness behind the scenes to my very weak 10 year old body to allow me to carry a flag weighing as much as Dawn French shagging Rik Waller. As my family are definitely not religious, and if pushed will claim a Jewish heritage, I was not in fear of divine retribution. When it came to taking off the harness, I was alone in the same room as the dishes they hand out to collect the money during sunday service. Me and the rest of the brownie troupe ate well all the time I was the flag holder - I can't believe the vicar never counted the contributions before he let me in the room.

2. First job. We had a return = refund policy. No receipt required. We'd go down the road to the shop doing a 2 for 1 offer on the same stock we had and refund both items for list price on our goods. The manager put me onto this so until last night it never occurred to me that this was untoward (I've not even thought about it for over 15 years). Naively I used the money for the jukebox in the pub we had after hours drinks in and bought drinks for our saturday staff. I shared the wealth.

3. Yesterday. Like many previous posts, I inadvertently walked out with an evening paper from the supermarket I'd just done a weekly shop at. I was reading it waiting for a taxi to take home myself and 120 quids worth of shopping. I was so excited that the taxi turned up on time I just walked straight out.

The conversation last night developed from that. I had some friends round for a drink that had to hold me back from going back to the store 3 hours after the theft and 2 hours 59 min after I realized I'd taken the paper just because I drank enough wine that I wanted to confess. The only thing stopping me was that I was well over the limit myself (I'm still on my provisional license - I'm 33 - so need a licensed driver and my L plates) and none of my friends would drive me.

Silly twat I am.
( no longer a user, Tue 15 Jan 2008, 23:49, 4 replies)

Sharing the wealth is good!
You are like a modern day Robin Hood by the sounds of it!

PS I hope you nicked a decent paper!
(LargeDoner, Tue 15 Jan 2008, 23:53, closed)

Nah.
It was the York Evening Press,

They keep the tabloids under perspex screens, but the Press is so naff you can walk round the store with it and they don't bat an eyelid.

I'll use the reply to your question to clarify something if I can. I've just had one of my friends read my post and he pointed out something I feel strongly about. When I mentioned that no-one would be my designated passed driver, I meant that no-one was without a drink, not that no-one would get in the car with me drunk. Sorry to be a bit Mary Whitehouse, but I'd never get behind a wheel with a drink inside me and I'm lucky enough to have friends who feel the same.

Get us and our morals
( no longer a user, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 0:15, closed)

yay
I was a sixer at Brownies and am 27 and on my P plates.
I'm glad I'm not alone in my pathetic-ness. I'll be almost 30 before I can have a glass of wine with dinner at a friends house and drive home the same night.
(misskitty reeks of sex and turpentine; laudanum afternoons, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 1:47, closed)

I
got my L plates at the age of 27. Not only that, but I didn't own a car for most of the 3 years of my probationary licence. So when I got a car after coming off my P's, I was driving around with about the same amount of experience as your average L-plater. Possibly less.

Now they make you rack up driving hours and keep a log book before they'll give you your licence.
(Emily Bruce-Dickinson http://jovialfellow.blogspot.com/, Thu 17 Jan 2008, 8:21, closed)