A pearoast from a month ago
This year, after years of ignoring Valentine's Day, I decided to make the wife something for this Halmark holiday. Making something is not only cheaper, it makes you look like you thought about it and gets extra brownie points.

For part of this creation, I needed a box frame. A quick google revealed that IKEA had exactly what I needed and, by a stroke of luck, I had to go to a meeting just by Warrington IKEA.

So I nipped in after my meeting, bypassed the showfroom and grabbed the frame I wanted, heading to the chekcouts as quickly as possible, lest I get tricked into buying a load of shite I neither need, nor want. Whcih is what normally happens when I got to IKEA.

When I get to the chekcouts, there are three open, with somewhere in the region of 30 people waiting to pay for their trolley-loads of tat. There were self-service tills open, which no-one was using, but I didn't want to use them, as I wanted to pay cash so my wife wouldn't notice I'd been to IKEA without her.

So I joined the back of one of these queues. At the front of the queue were two just past middle-aged WAG-wannabes (who I later notcied had parked their X5 in a disabled space, with no sign of a blue badge). They had a trolley each and were gassing away as the checkout bloke scanned one trolley load. Once everything had been scanned, the first harridan started to pack. Once she had finished packing, she started looking for her credit card.

"Fuck this", thinks I and I walked past all the people queing and said to the second old bag and said "'scuse me, love. I'm only buying this one frame and I'm paying cash, can I just jump in front of you?"

She looked at me and said "No".

There was a proper commedy collective intake of breath from everyone in the queue and the checkout bloke let go of the frame in my hand - he'd assumed she'd say yes and had started to take it off me - and said "sorry mate, nothing I can do"

I then started trying to decide whether to just walk to the back of the queue or to work me way along, asking each one if I could jump infront of them, when the bloke stood right behind the woman I'd asked said "'ere y'are lad, get in front of me".

I said "cheers mate", to which he replied "twat". Seeing the shocked look on jmy face, he said "not you, her". Said twat then turned round and looked at him incredulously, to which he said "Yes, you. Twat."

I could have hugged him.
(ScousersPet, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:51, 6 replies)

Excellent finish!

( Ghoti Fingers, Tue 15 May 2012, 20:32, closed)

Twatlols

( Funkenschlag still likes dogs more than cats, Tue 15 May 2012, 20:49, closed)

To be fair though,
Skipping the queue is slightly twattish behavior as well, even if that guy let you go ahead of him
( Spunk Murphy Tchaikovsky is a synonym for fanny, apparently, Wed 16 May 2012, 10:26, closed)

I don't know if it's a Liverpool thing...
... but if you only have one item, people will always let you to the front of the queue, if you ask.
(ScousersPet, Wed 16 May 2012, 11:39, closed)

I believe it's known as
being polite. It's a Northern thing.
( His Popiness the Hole Invaded Poland on, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:29, closed)

Yup, we do that in our little Northern hellhole, too
In fact, it's considered correct to look behind your own trolleyful of cowheel and black puddings at the next customer. If they're holding only a bottle of milk and a packet of nappies you'll step magnanimously aside for them.

You then have to take the piss a bit.

If it's a bloke with flowers and wine, you can wink and say 'Oooh, fun tonight, eh, La'!' and he'll laugh wickedly.
If it's flowers and chocolates though you can ask 'Who's been a naughty boy, then?' to which he can reply 'Me, tonight, with any luck!'

You just don't get that banter with Tesco Online.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Thu 17 May 2012, 7:53, closed)