Hemar, hemmer... pile ointment
I started doing an OU masters degree some years back. One module ran a three day study weekend at Reading Univerity. Accomodation was in the campus hall of residence. During the day we studied and in the evenings we got ratarsed.

After a second evening of hard drinking, I had retired to bed. Next thing I knew, I'm standing in the stairwell in the hall of residence in the wee small hours wearing nothing but a pair of boxer shorts. And clutching a tube of Anusol (it was mine, I was suffering and needs must). After the initial shock/surprise/revelation I attempted to head back to my room. This is where things really went downhill.

The hall of residence was quite security minded. There was a lock on the entrance to the hall and locks on all the rooms, as you would expect. However, each floor off the stairwell was also protected by a locked door. And as stated previously, my inventory consisted solely of that tube of Anusol. I couldn't get into my floor, let alone my room.

I was left with a stark choice; make lots of noise and potentially wake up half the building to my plight and embarrassment; wait any number of hours until I spotted an early riser; or leave the confines or the stairwell and find the caretaker but risk being locked out of the entire building. If only I had an item in my inventory that would allow me back into the relative warmth of the stairwell.

It was then that I became grateful to a tube of pile ointment for the second time in my lifetime; I could use it as a stop between the door and the frame to stop the main door locking behind me...

Somewhere, there is a university caretaker who is, and has been for many years, dining out on the story of a drunken student waking him up in the middle of the night because he'd locked himself out of his floor while sleepwalking, armed only with a tube of toothpaste.

"What's that you've propped the door open with son?"
"Oh, that's er... toothpaste. It was the only thing I was carrying when I woke up."
"Good thinking"
"You have no idea"
( biggus_richus, Thu 23 Aug 2007, 13:01, Reply)