Piss! Freezer! Earache!
It was a summer's night. The weather was fine and the pub had a barbecue. I met my friend Jim, and went for a beer. I only took a tenner as I planned only to have a couple.

It went wrong. Badly, badly wrong. WHile visiting the gents I saw a man filling the fruit machine with an excessive amount of pound coins.

Being a bit of a slot jockey, I realised that it was going to pay out and summoned Jim to assist me. We took the machine for £85, then the next one for £60. It was approximately 7 in the evening at this point. I remember little else, but there is a persistent memory of honking up in the harbour and buying an excessive amount of Chinese food on the way home.

On my arrival back at my house I tried to be silent so as not to disturb my sleeping girlfriend, gradually disentangling myself from my clothes with a grace that would have made an elephant ashamed, and then tumbling into bed.

I was told what I had done the next morning. I had got out of bed and stumbled into the wardrobe, making a hell of a din and waking my wife. She asked what I was doing and I explained that I was having a wee. She gently pointed out that I was in the wardrobe and suggested I use the toilet. I grunted acknowledgement and made my way via the walls and floor towards the bathroom.

I took a wrong turn along the way. We had a chest freezer at the time. I made my way to the freezer, lifted the lid and let fly with a huge beer filled piss, then returned to bed.

The first I knew of this was the almighty scream that woke me at 7 the next morning. My girlfriend had spotted a large puddle on the floor and investigated by opening the freezer. The odour combined with the yellow tinged ice had told her what had happened.

My life was miserable for the rest of the week.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 23 Aug 2007, 14:05, Reply)