The wrong bed, the wrong girl.......
My wife (then girlfriend), is a slim girl. She works with another girl who is, shall we say, Rubenesque. Quite, quite gorgeous, but definitely a LONG way on the curvy side. Anyhow, this individual, who we shall call Jo, invited Mrs Sammy and I on a night out. She was housesitting for a gay couple she knew, so we met her at their house, had quite a few drinks there, got another friend locked in the toilet, and had to get her out through the window, and went out. You can already tell how the evening was going to go.

So, we go to a couple of dodgy pubs, and then she proposes that we go to a gay club. I have no objection to this, and since the other friend on the night out is a lesbian, it's sort of kosher, so off we go. The story of that night is worth the telling on its own, but that's for another quote of the week. Suffice to say that we drank a lot more, and I sang a medley of Grease duets onstage with a transvestite singer, and got propositioned a lot as a result.

Anyway, we all stagger back to where Jo is staying, and she proposes that we just stay over. We all get to bed, but in the middle of the night, I need to pee. I'm naked, but I think what the hell, it's 4 in the morning, nobodies going to see me, and if they do, never mind. So I head off, lose quite a lot of liquid and then make my way back. Returning to the bedroom, I should have been clued in by the fact that I can't find the bedside table, but, undeterred, I pop my glasses on the floor, and find my way into bed, cuddling up and spooning Mrs Sammy. At which point, Mrs Sammy says, in Jo's voice "Are you alright? What are you doing?". Credit where it's due, if a friends boyfriend gets in bed naked with you and cuddles up, you're being pretty cool if that's your response. You have to wonder that I didn't notice that Mrs Sammy was literally twice the size, and had grown breasts 9 times larger, but I hadn't, so I leapt out of the bed that I was in with Jo and her friend, saying "Don't worry, go back to sleep", completely confused, and hunted around for my glasses. I thought Jo was still asleep, but unbeknownst to me, she and her friend were watching my bare white arse as I fumbled around on the floor. Jo thought I was trying to weigh myself, her friend thought I was hiding. I left the room, clinging to the hope that they were still asleep, and thinking maybe I could just pretend nothing happened!

In the event, however, I decided it was better to own up. How questionable would it be if Mrs Sammy heard about this in the morning, and I had said nothing? So, I got into bed and said "I think I might just have got in bed with Jo.....". Mrs Sammy, to her eternal credit, just said "Never mind, just go to sleep", at which point I heard peels of laughter from the other room. Evidently they hadn't been asleep......
(Sammyhaswoefullyneglectedyou, Thu 23 Aug 2007, 16:46, Reply)