Sleepwalking AND Night Terrors!
Why is it most tales of sleepwalking involve having a piddle? Oh well...

1. Young Lad, about 6 or 7. Suffers terribly with sleepwalking and night terrors. Young Lad gets up in search of loo. Can't find loo. Finds Sister's bedroom. Flicks back Sister's duvet, whips out prawn and proceeds to lash Sister with steaming hot piss.

Sister wakes up screaming. Young Lad starts screaming, seemed the polite thing to do. Mother and Father come into room, screaming. Neighbours screaming. Young lad put back to bed once relieved. Didn't at all wake up, doesn't remember a thing.

2. Young lad, still about 6 or 7. Mother and Father out for the evening. Hire young teenage girl Babysitter. Neglect to mention Young Lad's fondness for sleepwalking. Young Lad gets up in search of loo. Finds Babysitter in living room. Babysitter asks what's wrong.

Young Lad whips out prawn and pisses in her lap. Babysitter screams and runs off, leaving children alone for several hours. Mother and Father bollock Babysitter, refuse to pay. Result.

Variations on the theme include pissing off the 4th floor balcony at people, in the washing machine, airing cupboard, and having a poo in the kitchen.

3. Young Lad and family visiting elderly Grandparent. Young Lad feels ill, has lay down. Hours later, Young Lad bursts from bedroom, shrieking his head off, running up and down a short stretch of hallway, pissing and shitting his pants, screaming his hands are shrinking, in front of his extended family having dinner.

Calmed down several minutes later with lemonade.

4. Many years later, Young Lad known for witty conversation whilst asleep.

YL: It's all authentic.
EX: What is?
YL: You know, the stairs and that.
EX: What??
YL: Oh, don't mind me, I'm asleep and talking bollocks again. [snores]

YL: Can I borrow your EastEnders videos?

YL: [mumbling and fidgiting]
EX: You alright?
YL: Yes, I'm fine, I was dreaming about fucking your mum.

Apologies for length, Ex's mum.
(TheInfamousMrD, Thu 23 Aug 2007, 20:49, Reply)