How about my last cigarette?
Which will be in approximately 5 hours time, once I've finished this packet. I've got about 5 left, I think, and then that's it - a serious attempt to give up for good.

Why not just give up now, you may ask? Well, I've paid for the little white fuckers, so I'm not going to waste them. Also, if the next five are every bit as unenjoyable as the last one I had 2 hours ago, it will be the added incentive I need.

This decision has been taken partly as a reaction to the lump of green phlegm I coughed up this morning, which was exactly the same hue as Yoda - I just thought 'Christ that's disgusting'. It is also partly as a result of consulting my bank balance some three weeks before I get paid again, and finding that we have a couple of hundred quid of disposable income left. And there's two family birthdays coming up within the space of a week, and I'll also need to put another fifty quid's worth of diesel in the car. So giving up the fags is going to go some way to ensuring that myself and the sweary one can have at least one more night out this month.

I am not, however, going to turn into one of those insufferable, holier than thou ex smokers. The bunch of fucking pious cunt monkeys. They're even worse than people who have never smoked at all...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 24 Mar 2008, 16:27, 8 replies)

It's true..
Giving up smoking is like finding God, (I assume). You want everyone to feel like you do and to bask in the warmth of clear lungs and a few notes left in your purse at the end of the week.

I am a fucking pious cunt monkey - I'm sorry.


*Good luck btw*
( girlinthehole, Mon 24 Mar 2008, 16:30, closed)

No apologies needed BGB
And cheers for the good luck wishes. The sweary one is psyching herself up as well. I'm just getting a head start...

No offence meant to ex-smokers, btw - I just hate being preached to about stuff I'm perfectly aware of in the first place.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 24 Mar 2008, 16:38, closed)

No offence taken.
I only preace to my sister and leave non-family members to live their own lives. I just don't want my nephew to lose his mum at a young age.

But believe me, you'll feel sooooo good when you've properly stopped. Halleluja! and praise the Lord.
( girlinthehole, Mon 24 Mar 2008, 16:45, closed)

Pious Cunt Monkeys
But its fun to be one, standing there going "stale fag smell- ewwww etc." Whilst surreptitiously inhaling the first light up smoke. Oh, and if its been lit with a Swan Vesta (they still around? The red ones?), that superb smell of sulphur & cordite and fresh fag. Pure heaven, and then you can have a superb whinge.
( Duke Of Belmsford has got 99 records, but Jay-Z ain't one, Tue 25 Mar 2008, 6:58, closed)

I'm an ex-smoker...
But not one of 'those' ex-smokers. No. I'm just seethingly jealous of the people who still smoke - but know I can't start again or I'll lose out on precious kisses, and possibly my life!

Good luck with the quitting!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 25 Mar 2008, 9:56, closed)

.
I stopped last October and have been secretly enjoying watching people huddled in doorways in the rain and cold. No preaching though ..each to their own!
That said I did get quite drunk a couple of weeks back and had one outside the pub and quite enjoyed it even though it tasted foul!
(cmouse is pondering about life in other jobs, Tue 25 Mar 2008, 10:20, closed)

Join The (Twitching, Craving & Insanely Aggressive) Club
I would like to express this through the medium of dance.

However, as this is not possible, a tribute to DG and his mucal epiphany. Note, may have elements of generic male conditions and outright lie.

"zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....BEEP..BEEP..BEEP..BEEP..whazitohgodlateagainnnnn..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....BEEP..BEEP..BEEP..THUDCLATTER..BEEP..BEE..click...Ahhhhhshitgottagetupmumblemumble"

"fwump" (Duvet fwumps elegantly)

"scritch scritch scritch" (Aliens-haven't-stolen-genitals-check)

"scratch-scratch-scratch" (Ditto buttocks)

"mumblemumblegrrrrBLARTaaaaah" (amble in direction of bathroom pausing only to discharge a burst of fetid corpse gas en route)

"fwoptinkletinkletinkle" (Majestic fwop of third leg being unleashed [may not be true or to scale] and first tinkleage of the day proceeds)

"Kof...Kof...KoffKoffKoffHnneuurghhKofffHgnHgn" (start of volcanolike cough, winky still in hand as our hero attempts to stem the flow so he can assume correct foetal position)

"HgnKoffHneeuuuuurrrgghhhHuuurrghHuuurrrghhKoffKoff" (Now gripping sink and looking in disbelief at purple death-rictus reflection in the mirror)

"Hrrraaaghhrraaagghhhragghhhr........Flob" (Small alien lifeform starts briskly sliding around sink like a green slimy roulette ball)

"Hurfhurfhurfhurfhurf" (Attempts to suck in some oxygen before death)

Repeat.


(Good luck. I'm on the "cutting down by 1 a day" method. Shite, innit?)
(osok Rebel without a clue, Tue 25 Mar 2008, 15:24, closed)

^^
I couldn't have put it better meself... Most eloquent! :-)
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 26 Mar 2008, 10:44, closed)