Lies, all lies.
Due to a hilarious series of accidents, coincidences and misunderstandings, I became friends on Facebook with a young Taiwanese scientist. Her profile pic was stunning, her English impeccable, and we used to chat long into the night. She was involved in research into recycling and sustainable manufacturing and such - her team was trying to design and build an entirely organic pen. It would be environmentally friendly and completely biodegradable, and the patents would be worth a fortune.

I ruined it though, like I always do. I comitted a terrible faux pas that ended up costing her job. I'd expressed an interest in her work and she'd emailed me something she was working on at the time, showing how often the textured vegetable protein connecting the ink reservoir to the nib gave way, resulting in a leak that inevitably stained the writing surface. Stupidly I posted it on my blog where it was noticed by someone she worked with, and the rest is history. We don't talk any more.

All because of a soy-seal note-wrecking graph.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 18 Sep 2008, 11:39, 5 replies)

You're so, so
Rubbish.

*clicks*
( Cawl, Thu 18 Sep 2008, 11:55, closed)

That
is so bad it's go-

No, it's bad.
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Thu 18 Sep 2008, 12:01, closed)

I think
I just pooed my pants
(The Apeface Cherub is not a cunty-uber-cunt, Thu 18 Sep 2008, 12:58, closed)

Then my work here
is done.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 18 Sep 2008, 13:12, closed)

This is, without doubt,
the worst thing I have ever read in my life.
And I've read The Guardian.
( thealternativefact, Thu 18 Sep 2008, 13:21, closed)