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This is a question Social Networking Gaffes

Freddy Woo writes, "My school bully just friended me on Facebook!" No doubt he pokes him, and then demands his lunch money.

Personally, last month a scantily clad young woman confused me with her fiance, with whom I share a first and last name. I'm still not sure she's noticed, but she's going to be mortified when she does.

What's the biggest mistake you've made using a social networking site?

(, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 14:06)
Pages: Latest, 12, 11, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, ... 1

This question is now closed.

I've never gotten into this whole myspace/facebook thingamajig... never even visited the sites at all. And I do NOT understand the draw of having everyone around know what you're doing at all times. I like my privacy.

Am I missing out, am I right to be indifferent, or does this just prove that I am a lonely tosser who doesn't have any friends?
(, Sun 14 Sep 2008, 22:04, 3 replies)
Bosses on Facebook
I have two former bosses, a current boss, and quite a lot of my colleagues on Facebook. Suffice to say they have all seen me drunk, shit scared and in various emotional states. In all honesty I couldn't give a fuck about what they see, if I didn't want them to see I wouldn't add them. Is this a gaffe waiting to happen, or very healthy thinking? Ah, who cares. They constantly see me...
(, Sun 14 Sep 2008, 21:39, Reply)
John McCain
is a nice guy, but as he puts it "doesn't know much about this rock music."

So when he wanted a song to use as a theme for his campaign, he asked me if I could suggest something.

He loved my choice. In fact he said he "didn't even know they had a song about that."

Which is one reason I wish I hadn't suggested "And I Ran".
(, Sun 14 Sep 2008, 21:22, Reply)
I haven't got anything to post for this QOTW
So I've decided to answer all the ones I missed instead.

Get Rich Quick.
I'm in £10,000 worth of debt due to bad relationship decisions (giving the ex my credit card ebing one of them), if I knew how to get rich quick I'd blow all the money on a hitman anyway.

They cut off my cock
My parents are evil, nasty bastards, I was a sweet, quiet, innocent little boy, and one day, for no apparent reason, I was taken to the hospital to have my foreskin removed.

Imagine going to sleep the proud owner of a little boy willy between your legs, it hasn't done anything wrong, sure it might have pee-peed on the seat a few times, but little Sexmonkey pecker was a good man.
Then imagine waking up with a clothes horse holding the bedsheets off your middle area, peeking under the blankets and being greeted by a cross between GIGANTACOCK and Frankenpenis, with stitches poking out at every angle and dry blood and surgical spirit smeared all over it, giving it the jaundiced appearance of a PoW who has become impaled and killed on a barbed wire fence.
Then imagine, for every year after that, and every time you bring a new girl home, your parents pipe up at dinner, 'So, Bert, how's your hideously mutilated cock?'

Thrown Away: The Stuff You've Loved and Lost
Believe it or not, I was a huge football fan when I were a lad. I had Rangers posters on every wall, several shirts, both home and away kits, I had the Subutteo Astro-turf pitch, with about ten teams including Rangers, one of the grandstands and a few hundred little plastic fans, as well as the tiny little referee and linesmen.
None of their games were shown on the terrestrial channels though, so I had to make do with buying Shoot and Match every week out of my hard-earned paper round money.
All in all, I was mental about footie, Mark Hately, Ally McCoist, the whole team, I idolised them all. Until my Mum decided on a whim that we needed a clear out, the posters and everything were gone in a day, and overnight I had completely gone off football.

What really made it worse though, was that I'd occasionally stumble across A Question of Sport when I was channel surfing, and see my once proud childhood hero just being the fat, scottish, occasionally funny one who flirted with Sue Barker.

My Most Gullible Moment
My sister is the world's biggest bitch.

In the middle of the night, many years ago when I was around 12, I woke up because there seemed to be a lot of noise downstairs.
Looking out of my bedrooom window I saw that there was a police car right outside my house. Things weren't looking good.
So, I crept downstairs, worried about what I'd find when I got there. I could hear my Mum and Dad talking to the police officers in my living room, my Mum sounded really upset, devastated even, she was crying really loudly, and normally she only did that when she was drunk.
My evil, twisted little bitch of a sister was sat at the bottom of the stairs, so I asked her what was going on. Totally deadpan, she looked me right in the eye and said, 'It's Paul (my older brother).... he's been involved in a car accident. He's dead.'
Holy. Shit. The world collapsed out of my anus, knives were being twisted in my chest, my head felt hot and fuzzy, and I sat down out of shock.
Then she smiled, 'Pffft! Just kidding! He's fine, he just stole a Mercedes worth £50,000 and crashed it into a wall, the pillock.'

That girl was, and still is, a cunt of the worst possible kind, and she got married yesterday.

Will You Go Out With Me?

Click the link if you haven't already read it.

My First Night with Mrs Sexmonkey

Customers from Hell
I worked at a local council for more than five years, so I've seen my fair share, there was the guy who had to be removed by paramedics because he'd come in and superglued his hands to desk to get his own way, TWICE. I've mentioned before that there was a deaf customer who never really understood the concept of their own disability, or the purpose of the telephone that they were calling me from, which often resulted in me screaming, 'FOR FUCK'S SAKE, YOU'RE DEAF, YOU CANNOT HEAR ME IF YOU USE A NORMAL PHONE.' which made the whole office think that I was an insensitive, impatient git.

But best of all were the whole street, the majority of a small village, who protested vehemently against a local military hospital that wanted to change the use of a nearby house, to accomodate the families of soldiers who had been injured in action, and then sent there to get better; so that they were close enough to visit their poorly relatives without having to cross the entire country just to get there.
Until it hit the local news, then the national news, and then there were threats made, and somebody put the village's dignity up for sale on eBay. Suddenly most of the objection letters were withdrawn after that.

Social Networking Gaffes
I once accidentally said that Chimpanzees were monkeys on B3ta, it was HILARIOUS.

That counts, right?
(, Sun 14 Sep 2008, 21:21, 14 replies)
The Facebook Stalker
Prior to finding true love with my current missus, I was affectionately known by many friends and colleagues as "The Facebook Stalker". You see, I'm quite a shy and timid person when it comes to the opposite sex and the thought of actually talking to a girl I liked the look of has actually caused me to vomit on one or two occasions.

Because of this I thought it a good idea to actually find out some things about whatever girl had taken my eye that day in order to decide if it was even worth the hassle, this was largely determined on pictoral evidence as apposed to actually reading anything, I mean, everyone lies on these things anyway right?

So what I would do, is find out their full name, or if we had any mutual acquatances, and then take a quick look on facebook or the other one and see if they had a profile. Once located I would add them with a comment along the lines of "Hey, I think we know each other through X so I thought I would add you, how are you". This usually resulted in a new "friend" and a couple of messages to and fro before one or both of us got either bored or uncomfortable.

No punchline per-say, but now that I'm in a healthy, happy relationship, may I just say:

Lauren, Sue, Mel, Hannah, the other Hannah, Ellie, Louise, Caroline and Stephanie; I'm very sorry for adding you, sending you a few messages and then not talking to you again once I found out you were involved/pregnant/not interested/a bit of a nutter/boring.
(, Sun 14 Sep 2008, 21:12, 5 replies)
Facebook Status

Now I'm not sure whether this is my or their gaffe, but on the facebook there are a few people from work, and I sometimes make quite silly little comments as to my status, such as:
"being eaten by a grue."
"doesn't like your face."
"oh god please make it stop"

One weekend a girl at work asks me why I told her she was stupid. On further inspection, it seemed I'd put "Danny thinks you're probably an idiot" as my status, and she'd thought it was a message directed at her.
(, Sun 14 Sep 2008, 18:11, 8 replies)
Tenuous link
I've just returned from some Saturday night social networking with friends (I told you it was tenuous) who live "across the border" in Bristol. Or "Brizzle" as everyone there seems to pronounce it. So I'm driving home, somewhat hungover and discombobulated but with the aforethought of having my £5.30 ready to cross the Severn bridge back into Wales. I have the correct money so I queue up for one of the coin bins.

There is absolutely no dignity in lowering the car window, throwing £5.30 to the coin-bin...

...and missing.

People were winding down windows and cheering at me while I got out to retrieve the cash from the tarmac.


Edit: Oh and also, there is absolutely nothing wrong with driving in your slippers. Despite what Severn Bridge attendants might jeer at you.
(, Sun 14 Sep 2008, 17:08, 5 replies)
I made the mistake a few years back of joining Bebo after much pressure from friends
what the bastards didn't tell me is that Bebo is the preferred online networking site of teenagers and chavs so at best you look retarded, at worst a lurking peado.
Anyway that aside I was soon chatting with friends and catching up with old acquaintances.
One thing about bebo is that it allows users to post regular blogs and many of my online "friends" took advantage of this. I've never really seen the point of personal blogs, if I dont want folk reading my diary than why would I want the internet to read my personal thoughts? Still a lot of folk like to share their private lives with all and sundery. One of my "mumsy" friends liked to post regular updates on what marvelous things her kids were doing ("Little Johnny has started school, little Mary has lost her first tooth, little Bobby can shit on the potty all by himself etc etc) Another friend more worryingly would post regular updates on her sad and failing love life (she was a bit of tart with a heart and her blogs were sad and funny at the same time.)
One Sunday morning I found myself reading both their blogs together, to save time I had two separate tabs open. "Mumsy" was telling the world that little Johnny had failed to get into the A team for football but had made the B team. "Tart with a heart" was telling us that her latest ex had cheated on her with half the local pub's clientele. Hung over and tired I left comments on both stories and went about my daily Sunday business of organising dinner.
It wasn't until that evening when I logged back into Bebo that I learned of my faux pas. In my bleary eyed state I had left the wrong comment in the wrong tab. Under "tart's" blog about her ex shagging half of her drinking buddies I had put "I'm sure he did his best and gave it a good go." Under "mumsys" blog about her son not making the A team in football I had put "He's probably picked up crabs by now"
One good thing about Bebo is that you can delete comments!
(, Sun 14 Sep 2008, 15:33, 2 replies)
"Mum, honest, I'm really not like that...!"
Oh Reece...

My friend Reece is a twat, great guy deep down, but it has to be said he has arsed up more than one good party, he is a total fucking liability at the best of times (and he will be the first to admit this)... but a hate group about him on facebook? Well somebody obviously has a lot of juvenile time on their hands!

This malicious, but completely true in its accusations group, showed him covered head to toe in USED CONDOMS and other public toilet matter after rolling around drunk on the floor, trousers around ankles, toilet paper stuck to his face. He looked like a dog that had been rolling about in a dung heap. Yes, many a photo were taken.

This group contains stories about his supposed invisible STD magnet he takes out everywhere with him, which the idiot agreed with using his own account to write on the wall.

Shows pictures of him drunkenly slobbering over girls who were a lot mroe sober and alot less interested, one in which he is blatantly staring at some girls huge knockers.

Three of him snogging men.

One photo of him with horribly obvious cocaine residue, one with a raging hard on...

Every single photo is either incriminating, drug-themed, unflattering or vomit-covered.

He took it well, and actually partook in this group until his "friend", creator of said group, did something which was out and out unforgiveable.

He added Reece's Mum.

Apparently she cried.

There was nothing he could do, she had photographic evidence of what a grade A deviant her son is. My mate told me he still can't look her in the eye.

Reece, if your reading this, I had nothing to do with it, and I'm sorry she won't send you much money at uni anymore...would say this happens to the best of us but it doesn't. love you buddy.

(, Sun 14 Sep 2008, 15:12, 6 replies)
Two weeks late sorry.
This just happened last night and I had to share it with someone.

Ugh. I've been partying way too much. Went out last night to a rave my friends were throwing, great party but no one was really there. Took some "X" and danced, caught up with some friends. Then I saw her, Amber, she was as beautiful as ever. The first time I had met her was outside Karma, my usual stomping grounds. We talked, rolled, and cuddled that first night till 4am when the party ended and we went our separate ways. Well this night was to be different. I walked over to the table she sitting at with her brother and sat down with confidence. She asked me to give her a back massage, which I did. Watching the smile spread across her face my heart melted and I knew I had to kiss her. I did, I kissed the back of her neck and as I did she snuggled up to me. So I kissed her again this time on the cheek, and this time she took my arms and wrapped them around her perfect body. My confidence swelled and I went to kiss her on the lips but before I could she stopped me to tell me that her brother would "kill me" if I did. So I leaned across the table and asked him if he would mind if I kissed his little sister. He gave me a big smile and said "go for it!" Well let me tell you it was one of the best kisses in my life. We made out for a while stopping to look into each others eyes and smile. A friend of mine came over and shared a cigarette with me, as I was asking how life had been treating him she kissed my neck and proceeded to give me a hickey. A cigarette and a hickey later I turned my attention back to her and started to kiss her ivory back. My beard and mustache tickling her and causing her whole body to be covered in goosebumps her giggles spurring me on. That's when her ride walked up and said he was ready to leave. I quickly got her myspace address and invited her and her brother to come out to my birthday party in a few weeks. It feels like love but I know not to trust my feelings when I'm on drugs but I sure hope this one works out. If not then this will be the 4th time in 3 months for this to happen. I feel confident though this could turn out to be something beautiful...

Long time lurker.
And she didn't mind the length.

EDIT: She just accepted me as a friend and I sent her a message asking if she wants to go on a picnic with me (good thing the temp is dropping from 33c to about 27c over the next week(ohhh look at that a 'merican using celsius). Go hurricanes!)
(, Sun 14 Sep 2008, 15:09, 2 replies)
The biggest social networking gaffe of all...
...could be just using social networking sites at all.

1 in 5 employers check candidates out on social networking sites

Admittedly, the linked article is regarding the situation in the states where the folk can be a tad puritannical ("Gosh darn it, this guy's boasting about NOT going to church!").

But, even if it's not so widespread in b3ta-land, it's only a matter of time...

The interwebs has a l-o-n-g memory!
(, Sun 14 Sep 2008, 15:08, Reply)
I foolishly logged myself into Facebook on my friend's iPhone
Now she is updating my status with ungrammatically hilarious gems such as "Friz is has had a big shit!" and "Friz is I have long pubes!!!".

She's 23.
(, Sun 14 Sep 2008, 13:43, 2 replies)
Friends' Messages
My father added me to Bebo, because in his doddery old age he likes to think that he can do things with computers. Being sympathetic to an old man's last unfettered struggles with the problems of retaining his youth, I added him.

A few weeks pass and I'm having a jolly fun time, working hard and all that lark and arrange to go out with a few of my friends to a party. The night before the party I get several messages as follows:

"Hey, you want to come round early to mine tomorrow before the party? I have a few joints and some pills so we can have a laugh and a couple drinks. Up for it? xxx"

"Hahahahaha, another party? Aye I'm up for it? Are ye gonna pump some bird in a cupboard at a party again, aye?"

I go to the party and a wonderful time is had by all and sundry.

The next day I sign onto Bebo and read:

"John_Anon_Prince's Dad is very disappointed in his son, who should probably consider taking a trip to see his old man back in his hometown to explain himself."

Length? About 200 miles of dread and shame on a shitty megabus.
(, Sun 14 Sep 2008, 13:37, 1 reply)
I went on Friends Reunited
and tried to contact my former friends.

Luckily someone explained that you're meant to look for the girls who didn't want to talk to you at school, who aren't on Friends Reunited because they don't want to talk to you now.
(, Sun 14 Sep 2008, 12:27, Reply)
friends reunited
might not be much of a gaffe but ah well.

a couple of years back my dad badgered me into making a friends reunited profile for him. as he was techno-retarded he gave me full access to his account and i would check for messages and relay them back to him.

in the coming days i was to find out that my dad was a f*cking PIMP >.<

so many women that knew him in high school or at his old job kept messaging him, asking if he wanted to meet up and have some "fun" or sending nude pictures. speaking of which ladies, if your age starts with a 4 or 5 and ends with any other number, your time for sending nude pics has probably passed.

in the end i passed the account to someone less squeamish than i, but i'll never look at my dad in the same way again :/
(, Sun 14 Sep 2008, 12:14, 1 reply)
My old school has an "Old Boys/Girls" thing.
They probably have a Facebookpage, but I've never checked. I'm rather proud that of my year, I was the only one not invited to join.
Visiting my home town, in my 30s, I accidentally walked into the pub where they were having a reunion thingy. FFS, they were still singing rugby songs, and being pricks to the bar staff. If there were bread rolls to be thrown, rest assured, they would have been sailing through the air.
It's good NOT to keep in touch sometimes, particularly if formative years were spent with upper calss tossers; I won a scholarship to this particular den of the 3 b's. (*)
No way could my parents have afforded for me to go otherwise.

* Beatings, buggery and bad food. I managed to avoid the 2nd one, luckily.
(, Sun 14 Sep 2008, 10:56, 1 reply)
The curse of Friends Reunited
I joined Friends Reunited way back when... at a time when it cost £7 for 12 months of access to email addresses. At that same time, I was also married to a man I can only describe as an idiot - an alcoholic, violent, evil waste of space who also happened to be my boss at work.

Wandering through the profiles in Friends Reunited I spotted the profile of my first love... it turned out that we were both now living in the same town, far, far away from our hometown. Temptation set in, I paid the £7 and emailed him...

Within two weeks, the following happened:

We met.
We had sex. Frequently.
I was happy.
I quit my job.
I left my husband.
I found out that my ex had another love in his life: drugs.

I made my excuses and walked away with nothing.
(, Sun 14 Sep 2008, 10:01, 5 replies)
Bore The Tits Off Me
I have a Facebook page and Friends Reunited account. I very, very rarely check either of them.

All those people I went to school with? All those people I've worked with over the years? There's a reason why I haven't kept in touch with you. You bored the tits off me then and I'm betting that time hasn't improved you much and you'll still bore the tits off me today.

(, Sun 14 Sep 2008, 8:15, 1 reply)
I'm only on Friends re-United
I'm too scared as I went to school with some really strange people. Especially the ones I keep in touch with. Although there were a minority of interesting people. No gaffes as yet but my 18th birthday party could lead to interesting comments. Puke and starlings being one.
(, Sun 14 Sep 2008, 2:01, Reply)
Good Grief
(, Sun 14 Sep 2008, 1:41, 2 replies)
I think what indicates that this is a shite QOTW
is the fact that ive been away for about 6 hours and only 3 more posts have been made.

This is even worse than the mixtape one...

...well, maybe not quite THAT bad
(, Sun 14 Sep 2008, 1:35, 7 replies)
As any person who uses a social networking site and has a bunch of friends with a sordid sense of humour will tell you, leaving your computer unattended is a bad idea.

So anyway, for the last month of using facebook, I've been puzzled as to why those little adverts in the corner are asking me if I want to go to a "gay/bi festival". I didn't understand, surely the success rate for this kind of thing would be very minimal, not many gay events would decide to advertise on a social networking site, as they would only appeal to at most 10% of the users.

Then, as, for the hundredth time, I scrolled past an invitation to meet gay singles, I had a moment of realisation. I checked my profile. "Interested In: Men". Shit. For the past month of my life I've been proudly proclaiming my homosexuality to the world, while paradoxically being in a relationship with a woman.
(, Sun 14 Sep 2008, 1:02, Reply)
Unfortunately I have yet to make a faux pas on a social networking site...
...might as well stop reading now ay? However I have been precariously close not lest because I went to a gobshite moron filled comprehensive school in Medway and my former foes/schoolmates are now adding me as friends on Facebook.

Most of the time I just enjoy browsing their profiles, mocking silently because they have had multiple children, look like the back end of a bus and are still living in the same place and doing the same job etc etc.

One thing I don't understand about people is the desire to get photographs taken professionally; especially if they are in a couple. What is the appeal in getting cheesy studio based photos of you larking around with your spouse taken by some pro who is laughing all the way to the bank?? Anyway I have encountered a myriad amount of these Godawful studio pics from 'friends' who feel it is their duty to parade themselves to the nation. One girl from my year has turned into a slaggy page 3 wannabe. You know the type; every photo is of her and her moron friends sipping brightly coloured cocktails and dry humping bouncers. Their page is filled with 'hilarious' catty quotes about drinking and shopping and being blonde and how your boyfriend wants to shag them.

Anyway she actually has tacky 'model profile' shots of her in shiny bikinis and humping sofas while doing sultry sex faces. Underneath all that make-up she still has a face like Droopy the bloodhound and a fairly average body that looks like its had a few too many coats of Ronseal.

ANYWAY I know that this is all irrelevant and off topic but I once stumbled across a page set up for a former school chum entitled "Free John Smith*". Yes, hilariously, someone I used to go to school with has been sent to prison. The page is full of messages from supporters quoting "O my God itz wel unfare he didnt even do nofin I luv u John!!!!" etc. It transpires that John was sent to prison for bottling someone in the face. Truly a blatant case of misjustice.

So...imagine the temptation I have when I roll in drunk some nights and end up on the computer. The times I have been dangerously close to typing "Your thighs look fat in this photo" or just "Bruiser" on elSlagys profile and "LOL" on the free Deirdre Rachid page. One day it will happen. And I don't think I will even be sorry...

*May not be his real name
(, Sun 14 Sep 2008, 0:02, 3 replies)
Not a personal gaffe per se...
Those daft racist fuckers who set up jingoistic Facebook groups concerning foreigners and their lack of respect for our country and culture must feel about three inches tall when lefty liberal types such as myself point out that "get dem fukin muzzies owt ov da UK if dey refuse 2 talk english n respec or custums!!11!" is more than just slightly ironic.
(, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 22:11, 7 replies)
Not a social networking gaff but a texting faux pas, close enough..
Right, I shall have to set the scene for this one. My phone was buggered. Amongst many things the phonebook wouldnt work so to send a text to someone I had to physically type in their numbers every time. I became quite good at remembering numbers that i'd typed in a trillion times so I didnt need to look them up I could just reel them off from memory.

Now then.. After an evening on the lash I was perfoming the tricky art of texting two people:

1. The boyfriend- had been away for a couple of weeks so I hadnt seen him. We were talking about the good times, yes, THOSE good times.

2. An aquaintance- lets call him Nick, as that is his name. I knew him through a friend and I was trying to get in the good books as I'd asked him to recommend me for a job at his company that I really reeeeaallly wanted, to which he'd kindly agreed. So I was talking to him about how brilliant and competant i am (HA) and how I rarely go out drinking (HA) and about how I had work the next day (unfortunately true) and how good I was at that etc.

Now for the predicatable bit, I got a message off both of them at the same time. Decided to text the fella back 1st. Typed a rather intimate and extremely rude message in immense detail about what we were to be getting upto when he returns home, I recall it being about 3 pages long. I then without even realising sent it to Nick. I couldn't be bothered to text him back so I just went straight to sleep after I sent it.

I awoke with a fuzzy head and no messages :( (sent items broke as well) I text Nick explaining that I'd fallen asleep the night before and enquired about interviews and the such like.

No response.

The next day the boyfriend returned home and we started to discuss our late night rudey messages and discovered that he had never recieved mine. How very odd I thought. Precisely on cue I recieved an e-mail from Nick, something along the lines of:


Unfortunately I shall no longer be providing a recommendation for you. I think your manipulative messages have shown your true character and I do not think that an employee who would be willing to use sexual tactics to further themselves in our company would be welcomed by my present collegues or management.


Still got the job though, and left 4 months later because it was a pile of monkey work. I love my job now :)

Me and boyfriend broke up because he had a bad habit of sleeping with other people. twat.

I explained everything to Nick before the interview. He understood. He also shamed my by showing me what I had said. Turns out he was a good friend of boyfriend as a kid. He got fired after I left for being a druggie. He's clean now. We're really good friends.

(, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 18:23, 2 replies)
Not funny but
My biggest gaffe was ever having one. Ever since it was deleted my quality of life has gone up.

I didn't have a phone for two weeks and that was great.

The obvious next step is turning off the internet, go off the grid, and move to a cave behind a waterfall.

Fuck me, I'll probably be gone after the next newsletter. Or the one after. Or...
(, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 17:54, 1 reply)
is not being on any of these sites a gaffe?
I did sign up to friends untied ( sic) a few old so called friends I re-met there had lost the thread completely which is why I think of it that way
(, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 17:36, 1 reply)
The one thing that really gets me on Facebook
is people who don't seem to realise that the "is" isn't mandatory in their status any more: "Sammy is thinking that blah blah blah" - nine times out of ten the present continuous tense is no longer necessary!

Oh, and I get a perverse pleasure from denying friend requests from people who hated me in school: you used to tell me no one would ever want me, ever - what makes you think I give a rat's arse about what you're up to?

/goes back to OT
(, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 16:23, 2 replies)

This question is now closed.

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