Please bear with me here, the back-story is quite long.
I left home nearly 10 years ago, and have been back maybe twice since then - this is because my family are frankly intolerable. When I was born, my mother was married to a mechanic (my father) - when I was about 6, a fat greasy twat of a merchant banker waltzed into our lives and split them up, subsequently marrying my mum. Now while my early childhood was not quite dirt-poor, it became positively luxurious, due to his wealth. To cement their relationship, they tried for another child, and got twins - my half-brother and sister.

Given how much adulation and fawning they received, you'd think they were royalty. "Ooh look, little Dominic's drawn a cat, and he's only two months old!" "Ooh look, Stacey's correctly wired a plug, and she's only six weeks old!" "Ooh look, Dominic devised a grand unifying theory of quantum mechanics and relativity while he was still in the fucking womb!" I'm far from stupid, but I had no chance of recognition when I was up against these little cherubs, especially as I was a relic of my mother's previous marriage to a pleb. In this newly-altered family dynamic, I became the black sheep by default - the restless delinquent, the no-hoper - and started to live up to my new role, getting into scrapes at school and with the police. Meanwhile, they both excelled and were revered as saints in human form by teachers. These little shits had not just been fed by the silver spoon, they'd had nearly the whole damn cutlery set practically from birth, and they never quite appreciated how lucky they were. Not only were they were appalling little whinge-bags, they were greedy, opportunistic and highly malicious whenever they thought they could get away with it. Any retaliation on my part was futile, as I was much bigger and older than both of them (I'm very tall and wiry, like my father; like their father, they were podgy, piggy-eyed and myopic, and probably still are.) So they'd often run off crying to my mother and I'd get a prize bollocking. I'd become an outcast in my own family.

(You may wonder where my father was during all this - he'd been ordered not to have any contact with us on pain of prosecution, as the grease-ball had alleged he was a violent drunkard, and the social services had unquestioningly taken his word for it!)

At 16, I got a full-time job and moved out the moment I'd done my GCSEs. A few years later, I'd mentally wandered the desert in self-imposed exile and saved up enough to do catering at Doncaster College, then pursued the quietly successful career I've had to date. True, I'm still an outsider in most social situations and I daren't get too close to people (physically or mentally), but that's a small price to pay for leaving behind a life that would likely have driven me insane.

And with a bit of luck, I may never see any of them again.

[Edit] Fucking hell, this post should be re-categorised as an essay!
(WANKERTRON you say "prick", I say "wanker", Thu 9 Oct 2008, 19:51, 12 replies)

Did you ever see your father?
Just wondering.

He'd be proud of you.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 20:04, closed)

I've searched for him in the phone book many times, but he's either ex-directory or he's not the main bill-payer in his current residence.
I'm almost compelled to go back to Donny just to look for him, but I daren't go there in case I run into my family.
(WANKERTRON you say "prick", I say "wanker", Fri 10 Oct 2008, 1:26, closed)

Don't let the thought of seeing your "family" scare you away from something you want...
You do not have to give them the power to control you, just remember what you have made of yourself on your own and be strong!
(Heggy, Sat 11 Oct 2008, 14:01, closed)

You have no idea how awful these "people" are.
Last time I visited my family (six years ago), I actually considered killing them in cold blood.
(WANKERTRON you say "prick", I say "wanker", Sun 12 Oct 2008, 2:31, closed)

I was born in Doncaster
...and still live there 26 years later (raised in Hexthorpe, now in Stainforth). Never mind your family, you don't want to run into pretty much *anybody* in this godforsaken town these days...
( Biscuitzs -.. . -- ----- ...- -.- --. -.-, Sat 11 Oct 2008, 21:58, closed)

That's bloody sad
that is.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 9 Oct 2008, 21:57, closed)

But it would be a hell of a lot sadder if I was still living it!
It may not have been the best available start in life, but let's face it - it could have been a damn sight worse.
(WANKERTRON you say "prick", I say "wanker", Fri 10 Oct 2008, 1:25, closed)

sticking my oar in...
...but there are alternative ways of locating people. E.g. his workplace might have details on file of former employees; did he go to a particular church regularly?

I know there's DPA issues, but they might bend the rules, or there's nothing stopping them passing on a letter for you.

Heck, for expenses I'll go do some private investigation for you.

(edit: Getting back in touch with my Father is something I've never regretted. We talk on the phone, go walking, go fishing. It can't replace the missing years during childhood, but I'll take it gratefully.)
(The Incredible Sulk Finally remembered his password on, Fri 10 Oct 2008, 3:50, closed)

Dude, please get help...
Seriously, if you think not getting close to people is a small price to pay, you might want to find a counselor or a therapist and get some of this dealt with, as going through life in survival mode, while necessary at times, is pretty sub-optimal long-term.

A private investigator could probably find your dad for a fairly modest sum, so it might be worth making a few phone calls.

Good luck!
(not here, Fri 10 Oct 2008, 4:35, closed)

A good suggestion, but sadly I don't have "a fairly modest sum" to hand.
It's something to bear in mind for the future.
(WANKERTRON you say "prick", I say "wanker", Sun 12 Oct 2008, 2:30, closed)

You should find your real Dad!
The other B3tan's are right, find your Dad. I found my biological Mum and it has been a great experience for both of us. You may find that you both have a lot in common and that he could be someone you are comfortable to talk with and share your feelings. Don't think about it any longer...do it!
(Woofie, Fri 10 Oct 2008, 20:36, closed)

At least your tall!
Research has proven that tall people are perceived to be more attractive and natural leaders. So people probably think better of you than you think they do.
(rattus, Sun 12 Oct 2008, 13:42, closed)