What you stalkin' bout, Willis?
So, there I am. I’m 22, living with a bunch of mates in a huge house in Wakefield while at Uni, and loving every minute of it.

It was a cold November’s eve when the ‘flu struck. Within five minutes I had gone from sharp-as-a-button to a feverish, quivering puddle of mucus and sweat, with the occasional piece of vomit thrown in for good measure. In short, I was Not Well. For a reason that still escapes me, whenever the light in my room was turned on, it also turned a ceiling fan on, and there was no way to turn it off. So there I lay, in the dark, shivering. B, my closest and dearest friend, would occasionally bring me dry toast or a hot drink, while A would drop off any notes that I needed to read up on and O would kindly deliver any reading material that I needed. It would be true to say that my friends looked after me.

And then there was G. I must state at this point that G was in no way offensive. I’d met him and A on the very first day in halls, and we were all three on the same course. G was also, not to put too fine a point on it, a raving homosexual. He made Graham Norton look like Hulk Hogan (and if someone could pass the mindbleach so I can get rid of that particular image, thanks!)

Anyway, back to the story. I’m laid up in my ill pit, and G comes in to my room. He sits by my bed, and starts talking at me. After about 5 minutes of inane babble, he says to me “I want you.” I imagine he thought it would be a movie-moment, where I would cast off my covers, and my clothes, and eagerly accept him in to my bed.

I didn’t. “Look mate,” I said “that’s great and everything but… you know I’m not Gay, right?” (and to top it off, my girlfriend of the time lived in the same house).

If only he’d have left it there. I would have never mentioned it again, and we could have got on with things like it had never happened. But oh no. His battle to win my heart began with vigour.

The notes started. They were ok, in their way, full of homo-erotic prose that I delivered back to him with literary critique and a grade attached (and spelling mistakes underlined). He wrote poems. He wrote songs which he performed at open mic night. He’d wait outside my door for me to get home from work or to get up in the morning.

One night, after we had all been out, someone instigated ‘naked Monday’, which entailed all of our housemates sitting in our pants in the lounge. G walked in, came up behind me, and yanked down my undercrackers. I just about caught my tackle before everyone got an eyeful of it (although that didn’t stop P from getting an eyeful of my scrotum when I leaned over to grab my pants) – while G was on his knees in front of me enthusiastically trying to bat my hand away so he could get to my todger.

No way Jose.

He also stormed between me and my date at a summer ball and demanded to dance with me and also tried to kiss me. It was at this point I told him, in no uncertain terms, to take himself far, far away from me.

I hated myself for that, because he wasn’t a bad guy, he just wanted something he couldn’t have. But he did ruin what was, previously, a strong friendship.

I’m just glad that I haven’t suffered some of the horrible things that have happened to other people on these pages. I think we should all have a group hug! *hugs group*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 5 Feb 2008, 14:12, 8 replies)

a beautiful tale
of unrequited love.

God knows what you were thinking of when you agreed to to naked mondays. In our uni house, the closest we got was the stardard issue dressing gown. 5 men, sat around playing Goldeneye in their dressing gowns.

oh and *group hugs*
( Moonraker isn't the droid you were looking for, Tue 5 Feb 2008, 14:32, closed)

'Group hug'?
Are you queer or something?

*starts to back away*
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 5 Feb 2008, 14:36, closed)

Dude
Maybe it's because you have friends called "A" & "O"
(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Tue 5 Feb 2008, 15:02, closed)

@ Moonraker:

What can I say? We were very, very drunk. And the girls in the house were dance students. Yum.

@ Magic the Cat:

Names, of course, have been shortened to protect the innocent/guilty... :)
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 5 Feb 2008, 15:21, closed)

.
I've just spent too much time with porn
(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Tue 5 Feb 2008, 15:23, closed)

Dance students you say
I'm surprised you didn't have more naked days of the week...
( Moonraker isn't the droid you were looking for, Tue 5 Feb 2008, 15:35, closed)

naked mondays? great idea!
does Q stand for Quentin? now there's a gay name.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 5 Feb 2008, 17:39, closed)

Brilliant story
Even if it wasn't, you'd have earned a clicky simply for the fucking excellent title.

A well earned *click*
(Pavlov's Frog figures no-one really reads sigs anyway, Tue 5 Feb 2008, 19:27, closed)