Asda Colleagues
I worked at a massive Asda supermarket just outside the centre of Birmingham about 8 years ago. I was on fruit and veg dept with a lad my age (about 22) called Dave. He couldn't tell them time and when I asked him how long he'd known me he hazarded 3years. i'd worked there 6 weeks.

We used to muck him about a lot, in a good natured way. Asda used to have loads of training programs to sign us all up on, you just had to put your name on whatever list they had on the staff room notice board. One day it was a list for an after hours embroidery lesson or something as ridiculous, so we wrote Dave's name down. Cue lots of sniggering and asking Dave why he was doing it? Did he have his own sewing kit? That sort of thing. When suddenly he blurts "It's not even me! That's not how you spell my name!", I looked, it was spelled 'Dave'. So we all went "how the f*ck do you spell your name then Dave?!". And after about 30 seconds hesitation he slowly said "D. I. V"

P.S on same fruit and veg dept, for some reason a female customer asked me if we had any gazebos in stock. Thinking it was a fruit and knowing we definitely didn't have any I went and stood out the back for an obligatory 5minutes pretending to look for one. I then emerged and looked her full in the eye and said that we didn't. We were standing under a gazebo.
(CharlieSomethingElse, Mon 7 Mar 2011, 21:08, 7 replies)

Haha, what a div.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 7 Mar 2011, 21:14, closed)

Time Warp
Maybe he was actually *right* about the time and you weren't? Did he have a habit of hanging around near telephone boxes?
(Draco Rattus ate all the pies on, Mon 7 Mar 2011, 21:19, closed)

posh woman i once knew
well, i say posh, more like hyacinth bucket syndrome. she'd obviously seen the word gazebo written down, but never heard it spoken.
always made me giggle to hear her talking about the "gay's bow"
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 7 Mar 2011, 22:39, closed)

haha
gays bow!
that's great.
(FootOfTim, Mon 7 Mar 2011, 22:42, closed)

I was in a French restaurant once
with a French collegue, and a French client.

They both ordered steak tartare. Being fairly uncreative, I said "Yeah, I'll have one of those. Well done please".

Even the waiter couldn't resist a hor-he-ho-he-hor at me.
( Not Pineapple anymore, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 14:49, closed)

*click*
purely for the 'hor-he-ho-he-hor'.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 22:38, closed)

You have awakened the Gazebo!

(oball needs Satan more than he needs me, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 0:57, closed)