Mad Ben
Now I'm certain that someone on here will have come across this bloke. Mad Ben from Sheffield. As far as I can remember he's some sort of Estate Management type bloke. Public school hooray-Henry - and he went to Newcastle Uni.

Right. Bona-fides done, let’s get on with the story.

Mad Ben can drink for England. Hell, he can drink for Europe. If there were drinking Olympics, he'd be a medal winner. Sadly, there aren't so he uses his talent to win bets or dares.

One trick, that I've seen him do at least 20 times, is to bet someone that he can drink a pint of beer and eat a packet of peanuts in under three seconds. Every time he makes this boast, there's always someone who bets that he can't. So he does.

He gets the pint, opens the peanuts and asks an independent person to time him. Then, on go, he pours the peanuts into the pint and necks the lot in one swallow. He's got the knack of just opening his throat and pouring stuff straight down it.

Aye - impressive. But not as impressive as his other trick which is to drink three pints in under 10 seconds. Seen him do it many, many times.

But his best performance, *ever* was in a pub in Gosforth. The locals were wise to him now and wouldn't dare him to do anything regarding beer drinking as most had been stung for at least 20 quid and the cost of the beer he drank. So Ben was getting more and more boastful to try and lure his marks into betting him. this one night, he went from offering to drink 3 in 10 seconds to 4 in 12.

So up steps Mr Duns, a legend in his own right.

"OK Ben - I bet you 50 quid that you can't drink 4 pints of Speckled Hen in under 12 seconds." quoth the man-mountain, Mr Duns.

"You're on" says Ben.

Now Ben has a little ritual he goes through before attempting one of these feats. He goes outside, into the fresh air and does a lot of deep-breathing and psyching himself up for the challenge. In truth, it doesn't do buggery for his drinking abilities but, as he explained to me one night:

"It adds to the show - gives the punters what they want to see and makes what I do look more difficult.."

In short, he was just a showman....

So, this night, the 4 in under 12 challenge, he went outside to do his usual pre-match warm up. And he huffed, and he puffed and he drank in oxygen and then charged back into the bar where four pints were lined up on the bar.

"Timekeeper?" he snapped

"Me" says the landlord.

"Them on my mark. Three. Two. One. GO!"

And he ripped into the first pint. Then the second, and the third. Then he grabbed the fourth with two hands and chugged it down. Slamming the pint onto the bar, he looked at the landlord.

"10.7 seconds I make it" says landlord.

A few cheers, a lot of claps then Ben looks at Mt Duns.

"That'll be fifty quid please" belches Ben.

"Err - not quite" says Mr Duns "The bet was for you to drink four pints of Speckled Hen in under 12 seconds"

"Aye" says Ben

"Well you haven't done it yet. You've just drank four pints of Exhibition" grinned Mr Dunns - "Your Speckled Hen is over there, on top of the bandit...."

Now a lesser man would have crumpled. He'd have folded, given in - but not Ben. He marched over to the bandit, put the four pints of Speckled Hen on a table in front of him, called for a timekeeper and sank the lot in 11.3.

Then he was violently sick. But he won the bet....

Cheers

I'll spell and grammar check this later. It's past midnight here and time for my bed....
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 1 Nov 2007, 13:28, 8 replies)

Please do ....
Decent story but I look forward to reading the spelling and grammar checked version ;-)
( Ramsay Tupper, Thu 1 Nov 2007, 13:41, closed)

'Tis Done....
Curse me for an attention-seeking fool, but I couldn't leave B3ta with anything less than my best.

Now I need to "sober-check" it in the morning....

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 1 Nov 2007, 13:45, closed)

...
Just brilliant. Liking that a lot.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 1 Nov 2007, 14:12, closed)

Did you ever see him drink a yard of ale? (y'know, the long trumpet glass thingy)
I have only ever seen someone try it once, a big fat mouthy beer monster.

First mouthful gagged in his throat and shot out his nose. Challenge over.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 1 Nov 2007, 14:16, closed)

Yard Of Ale....
Lightweights. Even *I* can do that.

But Ben used to drink a pint and the contents of an ashtray. Would pour ashtray straight into the pint and swallow in one. He was a human waste-disposal unit.

He told me that the trick was to training your gullet to accept everything poured straight down. (Allegedly, porn starts and deep-throaters do the same thing which is why they don't gag.)

The long and the short of it is:

Ben can open his throat and pour shit into it.

He also has an incredible tolerance for alcohol.

Still a fun bloke to be around though.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 1 Nov 2007, 14:38, closed)

Impressive .....
I have a buddy who can perform the same trick. He was won money numerous times performing very simliar feats as your mate Ben.I've also seen him down a pint of vodka in a couple of seconds......thing is it came back up just as fast and that was even funnier.

As a lurker I look forward to your posts.

Legless, I salute you sir.
(Kopite Ceoil agus Craic, Thu 1 Nov 2007, 15:08, closed)

Free beer
A mate of mine was in college with this other bloke.

He (bloke) was able to down a pint in seconds flat and, thanks to numerous challengers, rarely had to put his hand in his pocket when it came to paying for his pints.

It all got rather out of hand though. He ended up being nicked "For your own safety son" after he was discovered attempting to swim across the river and back again "because someone bet me I couldn't"
(Fanta Menace Is tall enough to see over the fence, Fri 2 Nov 2007, 9:33, closed)

Y of A
When I was 19 and could drink for Scotland, I won a yard of ale contest. I won;

1. 100 pints to drink whenever I wanted (donated to local pensioners cos the only reason I was in the pub was for the contest which I suspected I could win.)

2. 12 cans of lager

3. 5 Diaries (eh ?)

4. T-shirt

and bizarrely

5. A limited edition bottle of Carlsberg autographed by Earl Spencer (I shit you not !)

(BTW - 28 secs)
( Ramsay Tupper, Fri 2 Nov 2007, 9:44, closed)