Andy..
There's a bloke who lives in the village I've just left called Andy. Lovely, lovely bloke but, as he's happy to admit himself, not the sharpest knife in the rack. Oh, and nothing to do with the story, but he also looks like a film-star.

Fuck off Pawlack, this has nothing to do with you

Now Andy has a talent, a trick if you like, in that he's *very* good with a Samurai sword. His party-trick is getting someone to put a bath-towel (for the blood you know) on their head and placing an apple on top of the towel. Then he'll split it. He'll either half the thing horizontally, leaving half an apple on your head, or vertically where the bisected apple will just drop, in two halves, to the ground.

I'd heard about this, when I moved to the village, but never seen it.


Then, one drunken night, I saw it. Some bloke was giving Andy grief and daring him to prove that, what was said about him, could be done. After much to-ing and fro-ing Andy eventually gave in and went and got his sword. I was there.

Drunken hard-man stood there with a bar-towel on his head, apple, dead centre, and Andy drew his sword. He kissed the blade and looked straight into the eyes of the hard-man. And swung.

The blade hissed, it really did, almost, but not quite, the sound you hear in bad kung-fu movies, and sliced the apple into two pieces. One, about 95% of the apple, fell to the ground, and hard-man was left with a sliver sitting on top of the towel on his head.

"I thought you said you could do it into two individual pieces" sneers hard-man..

"I normally can" slurs Andy "But this the first time I've tried to do it drunk"

Hard-man goes white.


Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 1 Nov 2007, 14:07, 4 replies)

Ah, Andy...
Any particular film star? Or just generically speaking? (I can't place it meself).

Is he still residing in your former palatial flat then?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 1 Nov 2007, 16:53, closed)

Hehe
I know an Andy who would probably do that-into swords, knives etc. Made me laugh, ta.
( Greenbat, Thu 1 Nov 2007, 18:32, closed)

Really?
A village called Andy?
(Musuko, Fri 2 Nov 2007, 15:23, closed)

been there, got the Tshirt
https://www.cafepress.com/fateddys
(Gomi No Sensei, Mon 5 Nov 2007, 16:37, closed)