To Poo or not to Poo...
Summer 1995, school holidays, sunny days, knuckling down to GCSE revision (NOT!) and all that malarkey.

Anyway, a few lads from school dare me £20 (which was a lot of money back then...) to go for a month without taking a dump. "Hmmm" says I, "I accept your challenge"...

Now, being the monkey that I am, I didn't stop to think that I could poo in the comfort of my own home where no one would ever know; subsequently lie about my fecal deposits and at the end of the month claim my 20quid reward... No. I went the whole hog.

20 or so days later, I'm laid up in bed with a fever, stomach cramps like you would no believe and a bowel full of some kind of unholy nastiness. I couldn't sleep properly for fear of unleashing my 'child', and I could barely move towards the end.

Needless to say I didn't abstain for the full month. I did however manage 22 days, which I feel is moderately impressive. The 'birthing' process was a long and painful one however, and one which lasted well into the following day (not in one continuous session might I add, but several lengthy shifts at the porcelain temple).

That was 13 years ago.

Last year I happened to be in the local shopping centre when I heard a cry of "Oi! small-non-bearded-gentleman-of-indistinguishable-origin, have you been for a shite yet?" resonating from below me...

Bah. All that pain and I never did get my £20.


the end.

by small-non-bearded-gentleman-of-indistinguishable-origin. Age 27 3/4


No apologies for length, but perhaps for the odour.
(small-non-bearded-gentleman-of-indistinguishable-origin, Thu 1 Nov 2007, 16:29, 2 replies)

I'm pretty bored at the moment, so that reminds me of a juvenile anecdote
I had gone on a canal boat holiday with my best friend and his parents.
Being quite shy the toilet was a little too "open" for me to fully evacuate in complete privacy, so I spent the week without passing a motion.
Come the last day I had a mole at the counter and he really wasnt going to take no for an answer.
On the way home, we stopped off at my friends grandparents house and I took advantage of a proper toilet to fully evacuate my bowels.
Having been through 3 times what I endured, you will appreciate the ferocity and pungent nature of the deluge which comes forth.
The grandparents lived in a bungalow, and by the time I'd finished, washed my hands and started back along the hallway to the lounge, the entire house seemed to have a penetrating smell of shit, so pervasive I am sure it could've eaten through armoured steel.
Few words were exchanged and we left soon after that.
Apparently they were asked "Not to bring the smelly boy round again".
Not a dare, just thought I'd share that one.
(Vic Flange, Thu 1 Nov 2007, 16:37, closed)

Well I went for a whole week without a dump once whilst on holiday in america
I used to have this odd thing of not going ANYWHERE but in my own loo. It took about 3 hours to come out in the end :S
( Victor Meldrew, Thu 1 Nov 2007, 16:47, closed)