Microbiology
After my job in the electrical retailer, I got my current job in a hospital microbiology lab. Every specimen that comes in will have a form with it, detailing the patient's identity, a diagnosis, and a description of the sample sent. Most are quite straightforward. Some show a worrying lack of intelligence on the part of the doctors and nurses...

Diagnosis: Patient not passing urine.
Specimen: Urine.

Diagnosis: Constipation?
Specimen: Swab of left ankle.

Diagnosis: Rectal bleeding.
Specimen: Nose swab.

Diagnosis: Patient vomiting blood.
Specimen: Penile swab.

Diagnosis: Infertility.
Specimen: Ear swab.

Diagnosis: Diarrhoea.
Specimen: Tongue swab.

And it's not just patients that have trouble with diarrhoea. One form read:
Diagnosis: Patient has diahorhea(crossed out) diaoreah(crossed out) diahorrea(crossed out) diaorhaea(crossed out) the shits.

Giving the results out can be just as problematic:

Me: ...and there's no bacterial growth.
Nurse: Oh... so what antibiotics should we be using?

Me: {after searching for a result on the computer} I'm sorry, we don't appear to have received that specimen.
Nurse: Oh dear. So when do we get the results?

Me: {trying to phone an urgent result} Do you have [this patient] with you?
Nurse: No
Me: Are you sure? Ward 10 said they transferred him to you last night.
Nurse: ....oh *THATS'S* who he is!!
(Captain Coffee Break, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 23:27, 14 replies)

Been posted already.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Tue 23 Mar 2010, 23:45, closed)

Probably one of those that's been doing the rounds for the last 20 years.

( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Wed 24 Mar 2010, 0:03, closed)

Where?
By who? I've been collecting these bits for 10 years now, and my "little black book" is here with me... you've got me intrigued...
(Captain Coffee Break, Wed 24 Mar 2010, 0:04, closed)

b3ta.com/questions/matron/post664998#post665000
(Iggy Pop's Teeth, Wed 24 Mar 2010, 1:29, closed)

That's mine!
Where the hell did he get all that from - I wrote that!!
(Captain Coffee Break, Wed 24 Mar 2010, 2:00, closed)

Right you are
We believe you. Especially as you say you collect these bits, immediately before claiming authorship.

Originality is important here...
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Wed 24 Mar 2010, 5:57, closed)

Oh gawd
This is only my second post on this site - and I'm already causing trouble...
I've been working in Microbiology, a division of the Pathology department for over 10 years. I've been collecting little "funnies" in a book for most of that time. I've made a couple of attempts at putting them online on my own websites, but have never got finished. Yes, I collected them, yes I wrote them down on the computer. Sandettie Light Vessel Automatic is a very good mate of mine, I'm guessing he copied an earlier attempt of mine, and used it here as he didn't know I was on the site (I joined yesterday).
So no, I didn't create them - the doctors and nurses did. Yes, I did collect them, and write them down to share. And no, I don't mind SLVA posting them, and I didn't mean my earlier posts to sound in any way angry towards him.

Sorry all.
(Captain Coffee Break, Wed 24 Mar 2010, 7:05, closed)

He did as well
He sent me it some years ago.

I'm also wondering why he's online at 2am when he gets up for work before 6.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 24 Mar 2010, 9:42, closed)

Hmmmmm,
because people who work in pathology labs often call them microbiology labs.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Wed 24 Mar 2010, 6:25, closed)

you're right, they do.
his dept is called micro. where they deal with piss/shit/spunk/phlegm samples, whereby those in the other section that deal with blood samples just call it the path. lab.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 24 Mar 2010, 9:37, closed)

Hello you

( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 24 Mar 2010, 10:00, closed)

epicly awesome
welcome aboard. Sad to see slva stole your thunder for what is otherwise a nice post.
( Sextant goes to him is emotionally erect, on this day, Wed 24 Mar 2010, 11:31, closed)

I feel a right twunt now
Bloody typical that he should decide to join B3ta now.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 24 Mar 2010, 14:17, closed)

Hehe!
Sorry, mate! I couldn't have timed it better! Or worse...

Beer, anyone?
(Captain Coffee Break, Wed 24 Mar 2010, 16:16, closed)