funerals bring out the worst in people
my father announced a bit too loudly that the "bastard never liked me anyway" at his father-in-law's funeral. my mum and grandma were UNamused.

and at my grandma's funeral, a few months ago now, my uncle had arranged for it to be open casket. my brother and i dithered around for ages. it seemed rude not to go in. we really didn't want to go in. etc. eventually we felt we had to.

so we walked into the chapel of rest and the only 2 people in there with the body were my uncle and some random woman. my uncle greeted us as we walked towards him. just as we got near enough for our eyes to fall on the tiny stretched face that used to be our grandma, the strange woman pointed a finger at me.

"so you're rachelswipe," she said accusingly. i looked at her. "you played with my daughter at his wedding in 1985," she went on. (i had been 7 at this wedding) "all night the two of you played together. and now. now you're a city lawyer and she's a drug addict in wakefield prison."

it takes a lot to silence me. it takes even more to silence my uncle, who's a councillor. but that did it. we were all more frozen than the bloody corpse that was lying in the middle of us!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 13:47, 11 replies)

Well, you shouldn't have got her a guilty verdict, should you?

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 13:59, closed)

"you played with my daughter at his wedding in 1985,"
Was her daughter a transexual, then?

Mind you, if I'd spent my wedding day, playing with a 7 year old, that'd have probably raised some eyebrows, to say the least.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 15:11, closed)

Nope.
rach was clearly an underage nonce.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 8 Nov 2011, 21:24, closed)

*sounds nonce alert*

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 23:06, closed)

can I do anything to help?

(Gritty, yet fluffy. kipperpillock is obsessed with me =), Tue 8 Nov 2011, 23:46, closed)

Took yer time there kiddo!
Ohh, whoops.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 9 Nov 2011, 1:41, closed)

Aha! So, my evil plan DID work!
Could have been an answer, but then I have the luxury of pondering this in a slightly too warm office.
(SpangoTheWonderBadger is brewing beer, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 16:31, closed)

was she always a ranty weirdo?

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 16:39, closed)

hey!
don't be talking trash 'bout the ranty weirdos.
Imagine a world with NO ranty weirdos? Who's the cunt now??
(Gritty, yet fluffy. kipperpillock is obsessed with me =), Tue 8 Nov 2011, 23:48, closed)

Probably told her she had lovely shiney hair as well
but doesn't want to sound conceited or anything obvs.
(Bababoon, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 13:17, closed)

hmm
maybe it wasn't supposed to sound accusing, but just came out wrong. It's hardly a situation that lends itself to a cheery hello and the swapping of amusing anecdotes.
(haberman is singing in the changes, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 22:27, closed)