No-one throws a tantrum like a surgeon.
Wavy lines are for cunts.
Back in my student days I was on my surgical rotation, tasked with getting the punters prep per for the day's surgery. I was advised by the sister in charge 'don't fuck this up, as Mr Cunt the surgeon(possibly not his real name) is notoriously impatient and likes to belt through his morning list as he's got a golf match clinic in the afternoon'.

The list when off with nary a hitch until it came to Mr Niceoldgent, the final punter of the day.
The theatre team had decided to pick him up as they'd just dropped one patient off on my ward and so, rather than go back and wait to be told to 'send' they'd decided to pick up the last patient, perform final checks and send Mr Cunt off to the golf course his clinic in good order.

Sadly, there was a last minute hold up based around some uncertainty as to wether the gentleman in question had in fact, been taking aspirin for a week prior to his surgery, rather than stopping, as is usually advised(aspirin thins the blood and thus causes bleeding, never a great thing to get excesses of in surgery).
The nurse on the night shift had failed to indicate on the patient's drug chart if he'd had it or not and the patient, who was in the very early stages of dementia, couldn't remember wether he'd been taking aspirin prior to admission or not.
Phone calls were made to the gentleman's wife and the nurse who would have been responsible for administering the patients drugs that morning was tracked down. This obviously, takes time.
Meanwhile, Mr Cunt, was getting increasingly restive and, according to a fellow student who was on their theatre placement had, after much huffing and puffing, decided to de-scrub and come remonstrate with 'those lazy fat fucks on Ocelot Ward'.

In retrospect, Mr Cunt's dramatic entry onto the ward, crashing through the double doors at the entrance to the department, whilst shouting the place down would probably have looked a lot more impressive and fearsome had he not been knocked over by Mr Niceoldgent's bed, the query now resolved, on its way, post-haste to the operating department.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Sat 21 Jul 2012, 14:03, 18 replies)

I do love reading about the rantings of surgeons.
One of them recently pulled me up while he was on a ward round and said, in his best outraged-anyone-would-dare-defy-him-voice, "Mr. Patient here has said he had his sutures removed on the 11th. Why was this? I TOLD you in the Post-op notes that they needed to be left in until the 25th!"

"No", says I, "Mr. Patient is getting confused. He had his operation on the 11th and his sutures out on the 25th in the plaster room. I did it, and it is documented...here" *pointing to plaster room entry*

Without missing a beat, one of his minions (I believe it was his SHO), jumped in with a new set of case notes while saying "...And this is Mr. Other Patient..." As I was now being ignored by all concerned, I took it as a sign I'd interrupted the fun of a senior consultant bollocking a nurse and was therefore no longer needed. Either that or they'd noticed it was nearly Golf O'Clock.
( Funkenschlag still likes dogs more than cats, Sat 21 Jul 2012, 18:54, closed)

In vaguely related news,
I showed one of the surgeons (a different one this time) an ECG I was worried about and he replied "I honestly don't know what i'm looking at but it doesn't look good. Get one of the medics to look it over."

This event occurred after your 'double-blind test' joke in reply to my last answer to the QOTW and made me smile.
( Funkenschlag still likes dogs more than cats, Sat 21 Jul 2012, 18:58, closed)

That sounds like the perfect answer.
"I don't know" shows confidence and professionalism.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Sat 21 Jul 2012, 22:05, closed)

Here here!
(W3BOPLASTY, Sun 22 Jul 2012, 7:58, closed)

I'd rather have a surgeon who was a fucking good knife-man than a
wannabe Renaissance medic who thinks they know everything about doctoring.
Also delegating important tasks to properly skilled personnel is a fairly good technique used by managers the world over let alone surgeons.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sun 22 Jul 2012, 8:55, closed)

Indeed.
Hold your bullshit to exactly what you know is probably at least arguable.
Bullshitting about stuff that you don't know about is likely to get you called on it, if you're not important, or at least thought an asshole if you are.

Properly learning when to stay quiet, is also a wonderful skill.
Done right, it can imply knowledge you don't have.
(speedevil, Sun 22 Jul 2012, 9:52, closed)

Trouble is, half the time, the pricks don't recognise there ARE other problems and are wholly focused on their little corner.
This here, is not far removed from actual real-life practices...

(for the lay people 'A Systole' refers to the cradiac rhythm of Aystole, or 'flatline'..).
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Sun 22 Jul 2012, 12:31, closed)

This seems oddly appropriate as well.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=xuZl9tRqjoQ
(The Luggage is haunted..., Sun 22 Jul 2012, 20:19, closed)

i liked that
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Sun 22 Jul 2012, 22:20, closed)

I can’t believe how calmly you cope with living in a world where everyone who isn’t you is a prick. You’re an inspiration to us all.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Mon 23 Jul 2012, 15:05, closed)

Lolwhut?

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 16:17, closed)

So, your story is 'a man walked into a bed'. Spun out for five paragraphs.
Cool. No wonder you feel able to criticise the tedious drivel of others when you have yarns this interesting and downright hilarious in your arsenal.

I'd rather read a) outright lies or even b) Apeloverage's shit book than any more 'showstoppers' like this one.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 14:46, closed)

Don’t be nasty. It’s just a story on a website, it’s not as if AB as ever killed anyone…on purpose.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Mon 23 Jul 2012, 15:09, closed)

You should totally send your brother to decapitate me for wasting your time.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 16:18, closed)

I'm going to share with you the last thing his victim said before he was executed:
He said 'Before I die, I want to tell you this: if you're going to be a supercilious prick on the internet, try not to also be a crashing dullard as you will end up looking like a massive spastic'.

Then he died where he stood. I've never forgotten it.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 17:25, closed)

THREATS OF VIOLENCE ON THE INTERNET!!!!!!!1111
MODSS!!!!!!!
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 17:40, closed)

DON'T MAKE ME TELL ON YOU TO YOUR BOSS.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 17:45, closed)

If you're not careful sonny Jim, I'll rewrite your story a bit then post it up.
That'll show you.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 17:48, closed)