Would you care for some gravy?
I had a crush on a girl in my class at school. From the very first day I saw her I was utterly smitten.

She was beautiful, she really was, she had shoulder length blonde hair and was slim, yet slightly shorter than average.

I was skinny, annoying and had hair like Evan Dando. Well, I would have had hair like Evan Dando if my mum would let me grow my hair long and it was blonde not brown. I had floppy curtains, but that was close enough for me.

We always seemed to get on well, not good friends or anything, but we could always talk easily and as I was an eleven year old boy that was pretty good going.

One of my best friends lived opposite her, so I’d always see her, whether in school or out. She was always there. And I adored her. As the years went by this feeling grew, so did her boobs and I loved her all the more.

Then in about year 10 we were talking in the corridor waiting for class and for some unexpected reason I asked her out. She looked shocked and stood there mouth agape. Then her friends all started laughing and she told me to “fuck off” and punched me in the chest.

I wasn’t too fussed about this. I wasn’t intending to ask her out and really wasn’t surprised she said no. Not a problem.

Then later that day she found me by herself and said “yes”.

Hot dog! I was actually going out with the girl of my dreams. I was so unbelievably happy. However, I was also 14 and didn’t have a clue what to do, so I spent my time ignoring her and playing footie.

Then one lunchtime she grabbed me from the football pitch, dragged me behind the science blocks and we kissed. Tongues and all. After which she stood in my arms smiling at me.
And did I stay and snog her some more? Carry on kissing this girl I’d idolised for years? No, I ran off to tell my mates, preferring to bask in the glory of my minor conquest than to stay and try to stick my hand up her jumper.

Thinking about this later that night, my warped spotty adolescent mind decided I was going to have to take our “relationship” more seriously now we had kissed. We were properly going out now after all. So the next day at school I invited her to Sunday Lunch to meet my parents.

Yep, we’d been seeing each other less than a week, had kissed once and I was getting ready for church and kids. She less than politely declined and dumped me, then told all of her mates.

I had to then endure the entire school putting on crap parent voices and asking to “pass the roast potatoes” and “more carrots, dear?” and other such hilarious jokes every time I passed by.

But I honestly didn’t mind. She was one of the most beautiful girls in the school, she was my teenage crush and my first kiss and all I really cared about was that I snogged her. Woohoo! Get in!

She’s also the reason I had a major thing for the girl in Sabrina the teenage witch, they looked very similar.
I can’t quite explain why I also really rather fancied Aunt Hilda and Aunt Zelda from the same show though?
( Dervel OTBC, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 10:38, 5 replies)

This is absolutely brilliant!
Gets my click anyday of the week. Cheers.
( SpankyHanky, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 10:49, closed)

Cheers!
Thanks all.

Oh and to the question below it's definitely Zelda's head on Hilda's body. Hilda was all about the nellys really.
( Dervel OTBC, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:15, closed)

Haha
It's wonderful/horrible how warped the mind of a teenager can be, especially when all the intentions are so right.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:10, closed)

Fear not
I used to always want to give them a right good back door thumpin aswell.
(fannymcslap Slap my mcfanny, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:25, closed)

I may be mistaken
but I think 'Aunt Zelda' did some porn or something at one point.
Look hard enough on the internets and you could probably find a pic of her with her baps out, at least.
(ConanTroutman thought we would free the vulture, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:28, closed)