Could be a fantasic job, but...
...my boss redefines "arse" in so many ways. He's the owner's son, and even somewhere in his mid forties is still trying to crawl out from under Daddy's shadow by Making His Mark on the company. He's a bully who's constantly reminding us that we're just figures in an accounts book at the end of the day. His response to my request for a pay rise (when I moved from being an admin type to editing DVDs - you'd think a rise was in order?) was to very forcibly remind me that Lincoln Uni is just up the road and he could get a graduate who would work for peanuts instead of what I was "demanding" - which was less than a lot of warehousing jobs...

His crowning moment, while I was still doing the admin job, was a fifteen minute lecture about the dangers of the Great Satan, the source of all the is bad in the world... ladies and germs, I give you... the COMMA!

Apparently, commas cost a lot of money. If I was to analyse my work (and I strongly suspect that I was expected to actually do this) and count the number of commas I used, then work out how long it took to type a comma, I could extrapolate the yearly waste of man-hours from using said previously-innocent punctuation mark, and thus realise how much my worthless, grammatically-correct carcass was costing him personally.

I didn't like to point out the waste of man-hours resulting from pointless lectures, buggering off early on a Friday and his fifteen-minute, building-clearing shitting sessions every morning at ten o'clock, as there's a clause in my contract that effectively says "if we don't like you we'll fire you just like that."

Apologies for length, it's my first post so it's a bit shy.
(torching_koroviev wax on, wax off..., Tue 23 Jun 2009, 12:05, 9 replies)

A fine first post.
Just the right amount of bitterness.
(ThomsonsPier consumes, Tue 23 Jun 2009, 12:13, closed)

And a very good first post too
and are you about to go about to go postAL?
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Tue 23 Jun 2009, 12:24, closed)

Lincoln Uni?
The Tap and Spile is only a little further, although I believe they check your P45 on entry 9_9'

Incidentally, before I was made redundant in January I made calculation of how much of my working time I was charging to that other great Santa whilst shitting - Tesco. I calculated it as:

25 mins per day.
5 days per week.
48 weeks per year.
£67.50 per hour.

£6,750 per year. That's almost two pence per second, and you know the sound two pence makes when you drop it into water. Just like brown fish.



Woohoo.
(Klangtarnflatchslapper looks just like a Telefunken U-47, Tue 23 Jun 2009, 13:22, closed)

Tesco pay £67.50 an hour?!?
Where do I sign?
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Tue 23 Jun 2009, 13:44, closed)

^^
Me too - I'll be a Tesco monkey for that kinda cash :)
( snee held his breath since, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 12:36, closed)

Great post
this bloke sounds like a complete hairy arse of an arse!
( SpankyHanky, Tue 23 Jun 2009, 13:31, closed)

And a very good first post it was too
Your boss does, indeed, sound like an insufferable arse. You should write him a memo full of long sentences with absolutely none of the requisite commas and see how he copes with that.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 23 Jun 2009, 14:08, closed)

Are you a contractor or a permanent employee?
If you're not a contractor, you have rights that trump any "we can fire you anytime we like" clauses in your contract of employment. I strongly suspect any such clause may be highly illegal.

A quick google tells me that even if you're on a fixed-term contract, you can't be forced to sign away your unfair dismissal rights.

Disclaimer: I'm not a lawyer nor an expert in the field, so I'd strongly suggest a bit of research.
( argyleblanket The man on the roof works for me, Tue 23 Jun 2009, 16:04, closed)

Yeah, there's a hell of a lot of issues with this bloke and the company in general.
Fortunately somebody just walked out and went to ACAS, and the entire company's in the process of having it's wrists slapped. I'll wait and see what happens and if the bullshit carries on I'll throw my own little wobbly...

Ta to everybody for the general encouragement - nice way finally join the B3ta ranks after months of lurking!
(torching_koroviev wax on, wax off..., Tue 23 Jun 2009, 18:51, closed)