Stories from china, I've loads but this one is the best and anyway not apocryphal like that one about the taiwanese driving licenses everyone tells
I was once dragged in front of local officials in Beijing to "explain my wrongdoing" as my chinese client put it (long story)

anyway, I turn up with a translator, my client and a pocket full of cash. Not that my chinese was bad but not really fluent and anyway one must (and is expected to) keep up appearances.

The bollocking ensues .... only it doesn't

The fat official turns to my client and goes off on one about how "who's this foreigner?" (actually he wasn't that polite) and "I can't talk to the likes of him, he'll just call a lawyer" (again ... well you get the picture). I didn't need a translator to understand what the guy was getting at and was just struggling to keep a straight face during each exchange until the translator had finished her bit so I could reasonably respond. It was quite clear that this guy wanted a chinese guy in front of him on his knees ... because a chinese guy would understand the poilitical situation and understand his place, something that I, as a LaoWai (old outsider), a double edged description that the chinese claim uncovincingly to be a compliment, at least they didn't call me DaBiZe (big nose) ... or worse.

So, after sitting through this for 20 minutes or so, I realise that;

1. I (and my firm) have done nothing really wrong, this guy's just after a free lunch and the satisfaction of seeing someone one their knees in front of him
2. he's not satisfied with bollocking me or confident what the outcome would be and,
3. The client's rep that has been sent with me is quite junior, I have a (chinese) patsy in the room.

I say to my translator "I am sorry for your distress but I feel that this situation has nothing to do with me or my company and I should leave now"

The fat Official doesn't wait for the translation, he turns and looks me in the eye and says "that is right, you may leave" in quite good english

I dined out on the bribe money I had in my pocket that evening. Turns out the Project manager was really pissed at this guy as he'd been lining his pockets for months to keep him sweet.
(Freegan Bikefascist, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 4:50, 1 reply)

What's this about Taiwanese driving licenses? I ask because I'm in Taiwan and I got my driving license not too long ago - easiest driving test I've ever taken!
(Heggy, Tue 22 Jun 2010, 11:51, closed)