I'm not normally the type to stick it to The Man
Actually it’s the reverse, considering I slept with those coppers. But I do have one tale re: my intractable gym.

When I first joined [chain] gymnasium they were sweetness and light itself; smiling demoniacally false smiles as they signed me up to their diabolical contract of doom.

At first, it was all fine. But then I found I was being moved over to long, hideous night shifts for 3 whole months.

Given the life-sapping agony that this would inflict upon my life, I knew I would never be able to use the gym. I was fairly close to the end of my contract; surely there would be some flexibility? Could I not get my account put 'on hold' until I could use the gym again, rather than waste my money?

'THERE IS NO FLEXIBILITY IN THE CONTRACT,' intoned frigid phone-witch.

'But, see, I just want to put this all on hold for while, ' I tried explaining, wondering where the bubbly sweetness that they signed me up with had bubbled off to. 'I mean, I still want to stay a member of your fine gymnasiums, but there surely must be some kind of provision for this kind of thing? Like when someone is unable to use the gym or can't pay for a while. It would be a terrible shame if I were to have to wait until the end of my contract and then cancel it: I'd have wasted two months worth of gym membership and you would lose all my future business.'

'THERE IS NO FLEXIBILITY IN THE CONTRACT,' intoned frigid phone-witch.

'So there is really nothing you can recommend here?' I asked, lightly aghast at this implacable frostiness. 'No way we can come to some mutually beneficial workaround?'

'NO. THERE IS NO FLEXIBILITY IN THE CONTRACT,' intoned frigid phone-witch.

'Well, I guess you had better make sure my account is cancelled as soon as it expires.' Says I sourly. So much for the cheery company motto, and so much for those old adages 'those who don't ask don't get' and 'the customer is always right.'

I knew it had been a long shot to ask, but I had at least expected human sympathy - fool that I am - and not an icy bitch-drone.

Sadly, the iciness only extended to phone-witch's manner, not to icy efficiency. They didn't want to cancel my contract, and felt compelled to ring me several times to say so. Particularly when I was trying to sleep after working solid nights, it seemed.

Furthermore, when I was signing up, they carefully didn't mention the nasty rules regarding notices periods and so on. I ended up paying another 3 months extra to the infamous bastards.

I'd come off nights by then, and rather than cut off my nose to spite my face, I decided to use those three months. Hell, I'd paid, after all.

I found out that I had a much nearer gym owned by [chain] and persuaded my mate to join me at this closer one, and use up my remaining months.

My duly contract expired.

My gym membership never did.

Apparently, using a different gym to the one I signed up at proved too much for [chain], putting me quite beyond their harpy-eye.

I've been using their gym for going on three years now, but I only ever paid for half a year! I even went back to the original gym and asked for the sign-up papers again. They never came.

Not exactly a tale of sticking it to The Man - more a case of my wandering past the oblivious man in bafflement - but I do get to watch lots of men get sticky for free...
(IChewCandlewax, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 14:23, 8 replies)

Fitness First?
I've heard truly horrendous things about trying to leave them, and the lengths some odious sales people of theirs will go to to persuade someone to sign up. Telling outright lies, forging signatures etc.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 14:28, closed)

My lips are sealed...
...as I like oogling fit people for free. ;)

But maybe if they employed receptionists with brains instead girls who are only there to abuse the sun-bed privilages - my lot are now beginning to resemble tangerine lizards - then perhaps they would have caught me out.

I hear the other big gym chains are just as bad as [chain], sadly.
(IChewCandlewax, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 14:44, closed)

Click for 'tangerine lizards'

( Snappyuk gets BIGGER with free sample., Fri 18 Jun 2010, 16:05, closed)

Eh
No sympathy, you joined a gym in the first place

Exercise costs nothing
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 14:56, closed)

Correct, exercise is free.
Particularly so if your gym has forgotten to charge you for years. Sympathy: not required.
(IChewCandlewax, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 15:10, closed)

You are my hero.
I found a huge chain that only requires month to month. Strange how exercise improves the attitude.
( BrokenCoccyx doesn't mind if you grope on, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 16:38, closed)

And if your job is physically demanding, you can even get paid for it.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 16:04, closed)

there is *always* flexibility in the contract...
...sometimes you just need to be creative to find it.

For gyms, might I recommend turning up pissed and being immensely annoying to staff and guests - perhaps pointing out to the ladies in the pool that you just had a really satisfying wee in the bit where they're standing, or pointing out loudly to the receptionist that she looks a bit like Edna out of Will'o the Wisp.

Obviously, only do this if the polite approach fails, but somehow, the cancellation policy takes on a whole new life when you're no longer welcome as a member.
(bblgoose, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 14:59, closed)