The Police, and how i got them to smuggle me into a festival.
Okay i was poor, too poor to splash out on a festival ticket but i REALLY wanted to go to a specific one as all my mates were going and there was a decent line up.*

So... My friend drives me to the entrance of the festival, with the original idea that a few of them would enter the festival (with my bags) and one of them would remove their wristband and bring it out to me, allowing me to slip into the festival like the cheap bastard I am.

But... after waiting for half an hour, he hadn't returned and i was stood looking like a sore thumb, loitering around the security and generally being a nuisance. So that's when i decided to take matters into my own hands and attempt to sneak in.

Keep in mind that there were about four fields and a few fences between me and the festival, all of which involved not getting trampled by cows, spotted by security or the farmer. I wandered around to the side of a scrap yard which was pretty much at the side of the field that i needed to get into, but was dismayed to find a landrover full of security guards (probably waiting for types like me), so i waited and waited... and eventually the security guards drove off on patrol, giving me a couple of vital seconds to run across the scrap yard and jump over the fence into the field.

Good... Now i was a few fields away, i kept my head down and stuck to the edge of the field, using the hedges and long grass to conceal me. I made my way through the herd of cows and hopped into the next field... To find about seven other people trying to do exactly the same as i was...

'Hey mate, are you sneaking in?' they asked.
'Er yeah' i replied.
'Cool, come with us, we know a way in'

I gave this a moments thought, before deciding that i would take my own chances (realising that one person has a better chance of remaining unseen, than eight people do) and wished them good luck and decided to leave them.

I went my way and they went their way, and off i went - hopping over field after field, the sound of music getting closer and closer, I could now see the festival about a mile away. Only a small but deep brook and a mesh fence prevented me from getting any closer. At one point i realised that i would have to cross onto a parallel field which meant running across the security infested pathway inbetween, so i waited and waited and got my timing right and got across without being unseen.

At this point I began to feel a little like an escaped prisoner, escaping from the Nazi's and was quite proud of my progress. I kept going until i reached a farm yard (and beyond that was the final obstacle the running brook) and managed to get across the farm without being seen.... Or so i thought.

I found myself in the field with the brook, i was hot, tired and sweating from the excitement - But i was so close to the festival, i could smell the burger vans. I was just about to remove my trainers (ready to cross the water) when i heard a car pull up behind me. I quickly looked and saw the unmistakable paint work of a police car literally a few feet away from me, the only barrier between us being the hedgerow.

Shit! I hurled myself into the long grass and hid behind a bush. My heart was beating in my chest, my throat was dry. I watched two police officers walk into my field, they were looking for someone... They KNEW someone was in this field. Damn. Someone must have seen me.

I hid low to the ground, peering out beyond the grass and watched as the two police men vainly searched the field and eventually they left. I was amazed. I had managed to hide from the law.

I gave it a few minutes before standing up and again i was just about to remove my trainers and cross the brook when ANOTHER police vehicle, this time a land rover pulled up behind me and another police man entered the field. SHIT SHIT SHIT!

So again, i hid. But this time i was spotted.

I genuinely don't know what came over me, maybe it was the marajuana in my pockets, or the fact that i'd just evaded dozens of police and security, but something in my head went into automatic mode.

'Oh sorry man, i'm not actually hiding from you. I'm supposed to be working here, but i'm a day late and i need to get my wristband off my girlfriend but the security don't believe me and won't let me into the festival'

The copper looked at me, puzzled.

'Yeah so it's the security i'm hiding from, not you mate sorry, they've been funny with me and won't let me get to work'

The copper asked me to follow him to the landrover. I glanced through the rear window to see two other coppers inside. I thought 'shit, i'm busted'.

Then the copper recited what i'd said to him to his colleagues and after a few minutes of murmuring, one of the coppers asked me if i wanted to use his mobile phone to ring my 'imaginary' girlfriend so she could come outside and bring me my wristband.

'Sure, thankyou very much'

The first copper told me to hop into the back seat and the other copper passed me his mobile phone.

I didn't actually have a girlfriend at that point, but my friend Becky would do. I rang her number, all the time VERY aware that i could smell a strong odour of marajuana leaking from my pocket, whilst crammed in the landrover with three coppers. The phone rang, she answered.

'Oh hello Becky, i'm just outside now yeah... Yeah i'm nearly there, i'm in a police vehicle, on their phone yeah... Be a dear and bring my wristband would you, i'm near the main gate?'

I tried to act calm, when she started asking why i was in a police vehicle, mainly ignoring her and just uttering the words 'yeah cool, yeah yeah... Okay see you soon'

I handed the phone back to the copper and asked him if he could be so kind as to drive me through the car park (thus avoiding yet another wristband / security check) to the main gates where my 'girlfriend' would be meeting me with my wristband.

And he bloody did. He drove me to the main gates, where i spotted my friend Becky and sure enough she had a 'spare' wristband for me, which i showed to the police and they told me i was fine to go.

I thanked them and they told me to 'enjoy the festival' and as i clumsily attempted to fit my hand through the narrow wrist band (which was too small for me), i waved them off with the biggest smile on my face and walked through the gates into the madness.

Good days.
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 18:39, 4 replies)

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Thought that was your mate Dave at Sunrise
('tin'tintin, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 2:18, closed)

It was indeed the sunrise festival

(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 8:07, closed)