Clean Up Your Room!!!
.
I used to be a bit of a pack-rat, forever collecting old bits of worn-out tat, stripping it down and figuring out how things worked. So my room, to put it mildly, was a bit of a tip.

"Legless!" yells mum "Clean up your room. The rats have started to complain"

"No" I scowled "It's my room and I'll keep it the way I want it. Anyway, I need all that stuff."

"No you don't. There things in that room that haven't moved in two years. The carpets starting to grow over them" mum replied

"Stop exaggerating. Anyway, you shouldn't have been in my room. It's private"

The argument went backwards and forwards for a while with me steadfastly refusing to clear up my room.

"Right. Last Chance" says mum "You either clean up that room or I'll tell all of your friends that you still wet the bed."

"What! - I'm 14. I haven't wet the bed for ten years" I patiently explained.

Mum looked at me.

"Who are they going to believe?"

I cleaned up my room.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 8:40, 3 replies)

um
your mum is downright evil. I only hope i dont piss her off
(welgar, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 8:47, closed)

Reminds me...
When I was in Junior school (I don't do the year 6 etc. thing) aged about 9, I was called into the office one breaktime.

A bit miffed about losing time to play bulldog or whatever we did back then, I shuffled off miserably to my doom.

There was some nurse there who proceeded to ask me about my bedwetting (something I'd not done since I came out of nappies - at least a week ago).

So there I was, denying wetting the bed (as I hadn't) for about 10 minutes, with this nurse saying things like "It's ok - we all do it from time to time."

Well, maybe YOU do, but I don't. I stubbornly refused to admit to something I'd not done.

Nurse, looked at her notes, and suddenly asked, "You ARE *some guy's name*, aren't you?"

"Nope, I'm snee." I replied.

"Oh, off you go then - don't mention this to anyone..."

And by the next morning, word had spread that *whoever it was* pissed the bed...
( snee held his breath since, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 8:52, closed)

Reminds me of...
.
Two chavs walking down the road. One stops and sniffs

"Have you shit yourself?" asks Chav1

"What? - No!" replies Chav2 indignantly

Chav1 sniffs again

"Are you sure? - 'Cos I can smell shit"

"Of course I'm bloody sure" says Chav2

"OK. Prove it" says Chav1 "Drop your trackies"

So Chav1 drops his tracksuit bottoms and, sitting in the cotch was a pile of shit

"Ha!" says Chav1 "I told you you'd shit yourself"

"oh" says Chav2 "I thought you meant have I shit myself *today*"

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 8:59, closed)