Dude! It's Mighty Joe Bong!
During my teens I slept in a cabin bed, a result of desperately clamouring for one when I was twelve and then ending up stuck with it. It wasn't all bad though, as if one hauled out the extending desk bit one could gain access to the hollow underbelly, a fantastic place to hide in my early teens, and as I grew older ideal for keeping those special items you might not be keen to keep on display. Also, it turns out, a fantastic place for the cats to deposit and forget eviscerated mouse corpses, but that isn't really relevant.

In my first year at university I lived in halls, visiting my parents and those who had stayed home on occasional weekends. It was a Thursday night, if I recall, that I got the phone call from my father:

"We decided to decorate your room. I was clearing out under your bed, and I found something. We're away this weekend, but if it's still there when we get back there'll be hell to pay."

Oh shit. Oh very shit. And especially oh shit, he's used the singular. He's found one of the things he doesn't like. There were two options.

He might have found my porn collection, lovingly assembled over several years and running the gamut from the very first crumpled Daily Sport found on the bus home from school to the filthiest import mags available from a shop in King's Cross after a gig at the Scala. Even the cinematic tour-de-force that was the hard-core porn version of Macbeth!

On the other hand, he may have found the item known only as The Device, the result of an A-Team-esque marathon of stoned construction. Assembled from 2-litre coke bottles, a Pringles tube, bits of a socket set, a plank of wood, several meters of plastic tubing and a couple of 15cc syringes (fuck knows why we had those in the kitchen cupboard), it was the most beatiful water-cooled, multi-chambered, turbo-boosted smoking device ever conceived by man.

Clearly both possibilities were very precious to me and, both having been hidden in unsealed cardboard boxes (for ease of access, of course), I had no idea which had been found. There was nothing for it, both had to go. I frantically rang around local friends looking for someone to provide a good home for either, but I was denied at every turn. Eventually, with a heavy heart and a tear in my eye, I was forced to consign the whole lot to a bush under the pedestrian bridge over the M4 slip road. I hope they found a good home.

Bonus points if you know which film I'm quoting from in the title.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 19 Aug 2008, 18:29, 7 replies)

Pretty sure
It's Idle hands.... I can buy the ashtray but there's no way you made that in shop....
(Fredz A graveyard of hopes, a dump of ambition, Tue 19 Aug 2008, 19:06, closed)

easy
idle hands is one of my favourite films!

"i'm not going through all that tanya"

classic!
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 19 Aug 2008, 19:32, closed)

Oh fuck it, go on then...
*clicks*
( thealternativefact, Tue 19 Aug 2008, 19:58, closed)

Ahahah I knew you couldn't resist!
And well done chaps, spot on.

"Let's go walk through a nurse!"
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 19 Aug 2008, 20:16, closed)

"careful, some of them are men"

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 19 Aug 2008, 21:07, closed)

And uuh...
Which bush would that be?

Just, y'know... curious and stuff....
(Scrumpy does not negotiate with terrorists,, Wed 20 Aug 2008, 13:39, closed)

It was a good nine years ago now I'm afraid, mate.
But if you'll pardon the cliche, it was the one under which I found a knackered sports bag full of battered Razzles a few years earlier. What goes around comes around.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 21 Aug 2008, 10:13, closed)