Never, ever, get a water meter
There is something psychologically damaging in the knowledge that whenever you turn a tap on, you are quite literally flushing money down the drain.

When my brother comes to stay, I have to be out of earshot when he's in the bathroom because he will quite happily stand in the shower for half an hour, and when he cleans his teeth he leaves the tap on FULL BLAST until he has finished. I have honestly been on the verge of kicking the door down to turn the tap off.

My bathroom upstairs has a modern water efficient toilet. However, my downstairs toilet is about 30 years old and has a giant cistern that when flushed rivals Niagara Falls for water usage. (I have explained this for a reason, and it's going to get a little weird, so those of you with a weak disposition should stop reading now). I tend to use the upstairs toilet more due to it's water efficiency, however, I don't mind using the downstairs bog when I need a poo as some of the brown monsters I produce require a large volume of water for a successful flush. Now here lies the problem; I haven't figured out how to inform visiting friends & family that the downstairs toilet is for the passing of solids only without sounding like a "League of Gentlemen" reject.

My madness doesn’t end there. The other week I was at work preparing a set of accounts and I noticed the client had an insurance payout due to a burst water pipe while away on holiday. However, the money wasn't for water damage but to cover the hundreds of pounds of water that pissed away! I had that feeling of "Oh fuck" that Hitchcock portrayed in Vertigo where the camera zooms in on the face and the background zooms out. I had to take an early lunch to stop myself from phoning an emergency plumber to check every pipe in my house.

So don’t do it. Don’t get a water meter. Just pay the fixed rate and revel in the knowledge that you can piss away as much as you like with no repercussions. (NB: None of this applies if you are a sane rational person)
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 10:43, 17 replies)

I didn't have
a choice. When I moved in the water company came and dug up my front path and installed one. They did a shit job of re-concreting it too.

Still, our water useage is so low, they actually reduced our direct debit. Which is nice.
( Bazongaloid, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 10:58, closed)

I probably save a couple of hundred squid a year
but the sound of a tap running is like nails down a blackboard to me now.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 11:00, closed)

"NB: None of this applies if you are a sane rational person"
Or live in Scotland.

Woo! Yaay! for water included with council tax!
( uberdeity Wondered why Owen Lars knew of the term "hell" on, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 11:00, closed)

Right, that's it
i'm moving to Scotchland
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 11:05, closed)

seriously
water in with the council tax? that is something i didnt know when planning my move to shetland next month, yay for free water
(pogo_it, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 11:50, closed)

Sure is
You just get one bill at the end of the month for Council tax and water and that's it.


Wooohah!
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 12:28, closed)

*high-fives*
Scotland! Woohah!
( uberdeity Wondered why Owen Lars knew of the term "hell" on, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 14:24, closed)

NakedApe will fix it for you, and you and you, ba ba ba baa

Fill an old fizzy pop bottle with water and drop it into the cistern of your large downstairs loo. This will reduce the amount of water you flush by 2 lts each flush!

*has Jim'll fix tune stuck in head*


*ba ba ba baa*
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 11:14, closed)

Done
How about a big sign on the door "This toilet is for the flushing of solids only". That'll win friends & influence people.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 11:21, closed)

good plan
A house i used to live in when i was at college. The nice elderly couple that owned the place used to have a sign on the upstairs loo "number one only, the plumbing cant take it"

Downstairs loo? Half a breeze block in the cistern.
(shamen Geekius Maximus, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 4:41, closed)

Privatisation of infrastructure, eh?
If I had a water meter installed I'd save money. But I won't have one, on principle. Water is not a commodity, nor should be it be sold like one. Fortunately I earn enough to indulge my principles so I can pay the annual standing charge.

Then again, if I did get a water meter, I could ignore any hosepipe ban with impunity. "Fuck you. It's my water, I paid for it. I can do what I like with it."
( flake has nothing against your right leg, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 11:35, closed)

I like the way you think.
You're hired.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 11:40, closed)

"Water is not a commodity"
It kind of, erm, *is* though, isn't it?
(stalinism, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 1:41, closed)

Water is *not* a commodity
I can survive without commodities. I'd find it a tad difficult to survive without water. You know, what with my body being 70% made up of the stuff (or whatever the percentage is.)
( flake has nothing against your right leg, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 1:48, closed)

I didn't have a choice
as the place I've just moved into was obviously built after water meters became mandatory.

The previous occupiers clearly subscribed to your theory, and they reduced the amount of water coming out of their cisterns. Nothing wrong there - save money, save the environment - all well and good.

However they went a bit over the top - when I arrived I found that flushing the toilets used so little what that it didn't remove used bogroll from sight, and sometimes not the turds either! Rank.
(annexed, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 13:44, closed)

My efficient toilet has 2 flush options
Weak flush and trickle. Needless to say the trickle flush is not up to the job(bies).
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 14:20, closed)

they missed a trick
These fancy new khazis should have *three* buttons: Number One (gentle), Number Two (more energetic), and Dunny Chocker (activates a compressor pump hooked up to a fire-hydrant grade supply). Because it's either that, or supply new toilets with sieves, stored alongside the brush for dealing with those tricky ones.
( The Incredible Sulk Finally remembered his password on, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 22:00, closed)