Internet dating
OK, here's a set of tips for women on internet dating, based on actual personal experience.

When setting up the profile:

Make sure your actual age is the age listed. Guys may not be real smart, but nothing KILLS (in a serious, terminate with extreme prejudice, U.S. vs. Abu Musab Al Zarqawi kind of way as seen at www.break.com/index/baddayzarq.html) a first date quicker than finding out your date is both OLDER and LESS HONEST than initially thought.

If your friends look JUST LIKE YOU, (a frighteningly common occurence in L.A.), don't put multiple group photos of them with you in your profile, as we hate having to guess which one you are.

No shots of you drinking. Definitely not 3 or more shots of you drinking.

The date itself:

Do not announce, after your date has already made plans to meet for glorious burritos and guacamole that he has been craving all day, that you do not eat after 7pm and would therefore prefer to find a Starbucks, Satan's own portal into the earthly realm. (Yes, that's why there are so many of them.)

If you are a hardcore christian, do not make a date with an atheist thinking that you will be extra clever and convert him. Most of us non-believers aren't going to be obnoxious about it, but we ARE members of the fastest growing belief system, and given that we have logic and common sense on our side, we're more likely to convert you than vice-versa.

Especially do not do both of the above on the same date. Doing so gives your date fond thoughts of the Romans and their pet lions.

If we meet in a restaurant that's at a normal room temperature, then please take off your winter coat. Especially if the coat or a similar garment has been in all of your profile photos. You don't have to disrobe completely, but it's odd if you're bundled up while eating. (Unless of course, you're covering up a body so guivering with smoldering passion that you need it on as a reminder to keep yourself from ravishing your date right then and there. Note to self: Call this one back.)

The follow up:

Do not call or text your date to explain what a fantastic time you had, only to refuse to return his follow-up call. If you're done, DON'T CALL. (Guys, if she doesn't return the second call, give up.)

Do not send an e-mail with an itemized series of paragraphs as to why your date is a bad person and why things would never work out between the two of you after the FIRST DATE.


But none of you b3ta ladies would ever do such things, so this post is wholly pointless.

(That said, should any of you ladies fancy a fairly tall and enormously fat man with a dubious sense of humor who's trying to overcome his inability to remain employed for more than a few months at a time, you know how to reach me. Don't all reach for the keyboard at once.)
(not here, Sat 9 Feb 2008, 13:36, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

bravo!
And that's from a woman who has only once forayed into the realms of internet (well, lonely hearts ads) dating.

From the laydeez point of view a couple of tips for any erstwhile internet lotharios...

An anorak is not an acceptable garment for a first date, unless the date involves some kind of outdoor sporting activity. And I dont care if it cost you $300 from North Face. Put a jacket on.

Do not greet your date by uttering the words "god, I didnt think I'd be able to make it out tonight, I've had the shits all day."

Whilst it may be considered a compliment, asking your date "why a nice young girl like you hasn't been snapped up years ago" is a pretty off putting thing to say. Not only does it draw attention to the fact that your date is laughably single at the age of thirty *cough*, but it also puts us in mind of a slightly creepy uncle.

I'm sure I'd have more if i could be bothered to get off my arse and actually date real live people instead of lying on the sofa eating cake, watching House and complaining that no one loves me...

:)
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Sat 9 Feb 2008, 21:54, Reply)