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This is a question Top Tips

Got a great tip? Share it with us. You know, stuff like "Prevent sneezing by pressing you index finger firmly between your nose and your upper lip."

(, Wed 29 Nov 2006, 16:33)
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as you seem to read this one more than BAFR
there is still spam on the links board and in the calendar
(, Sat 8 Jan 2022, 12:29, 1 reply, 3 weeks ago)
Want to navigate your way to the Talk board,
but can't be bothered to type it in the address bar of your browser and/or save it in your 'favourites'?

Simply click on the Calendar link at the top of your screen. There's a link the Talk board there that the mods haven't thought to remove, because they abandoned Calendar to the spambots years ago.
(, Thu 30 Dec 2021, 16:24, 6 replies, latest was 1 week ago)
Create the title for the next James Bond film
By incorporating the words "gold" and "die" in a phrase that sounds like it means something but is actually nonsense when you really think about it.
(, Fri 12 Nov 2021, 9:58, 1 reply, 7 weeks ago)
Pretend you have your own supply of walkers crisps by wandering around with a bag filled with some substitute like parsnip crisps

(, Wed 10 Nov 2021, 13:53, Reply)
Do you want to prevent your clothes getting dirty?
All you have to do is not wear your clothes, then.
(, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 21:45, Reply)
When offering unrequested written advice, always finish the sentence with "you're welcome" to show what an absolute cunt you are.

(, Fri 24 Sep 2021, 12:16, 2 replies, latest was 4 months ago)
Code keys will only operate while the owner is alive.
If you kill them, the key is useless.
(, Mon 26 Apr 2021, 23:03, Reply)
With the application
of muscle toner pads, you can make your wife's bum jiggle in an amusing way.
(, Sat 13 Mar 2021, 19:46, Reply)
Prince Andrew
Top yourself now before it gets really messy.
(, Mon 6 Jul 2020, 14:09, Reply)
Increase postings in dead thread by claiming. 'Last'

(, Thu 28 Nov 2019, 13:46, Reply)
Find out if someone owns a hoodie
by going camping with them.
(, Mon 16 Sep 2019, 6:57, Reply)
Do not put a frozen pilchard up your anus for sexual gratification
or for some other reason. Perhaps you want to take one home from the fishmonger but your pockets are full? Or maybe you want to surprise your cat for its dinner. Either way, its scales will lift open as it thaws in the warmth of your colon and you wont be able to pull it out again without tearing your ringpiece to tatters
(, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 15:36, 2 replies, latest was 1 year ago)
Top Tip for Lottery players:
Next time you play, pretend that you bought a real ticket. That way you can lose for free.
(, Thu 27 Jun 2019, 5:26, Reply)
Become a hipster
by wearing your dad's walking jacket and being a cunt.
(, Fri 7 Jun 2019, 18:24, Reply)
Want to spend less time on Facebook?
Simply befriend people whose every action sends you into a downward spiral of quivering envy and paralysing feelings of your own inadequacy as a human being.
(, Mon 20 May 2019, 15:57, Reply)
Stop people hating you by not being a cunt.

(, Mon 13 May 2019, 20:50, 1 reply, 3 years ago)
Take a punt
The 7 quid speaker punted in the newsletter IS actually alright. Who'd have thought?
(, Sat 13 Apr 2019, 11:04, 1 reply, 3 years ago)
Brexiteers, increase your chances of getting onto BBC Question Time
by washing your face with beetroot juice, subscribing to the Daily Mail and wearing thick comedy specs.
(, Wed 3 Apr 2019, 21:59, 3 replies, latest was 3 years ago)
Rid your pub of people under 35 by playing The Stone Roses debut album in full.
(, Sat 22 Dec 2018, 22:54, 3 replies, latest was 9 months ago)
Pretend you're getting oral sex off of a robot by rubbing your fanny with the back of a spoon.
(, Fri 21 Dec 2018, 19:05, Reply)
Take your time, young man.

(, Wed 19 Dec 2018, 14:02, 1 reply, 3 years ago)
Let everyone know you're a racist by starting a sentence "I'm not a racist, but..."

(, Fri 23 Nov 2018, 16:06, Reply)
Pacify sanctimonious types by living in a stone house and throwing glasses.

(, Fri 23 Nov 2018, 15:58, Reply)
Thick people
Correctly spell the word "weather" by writing the first part of the name of your favourite pub chain.
(, Wed 21 Nov 2018, 23:38, 3 replies, latest was 3 years ago)
Avoid daily mass-shootings by having a well-regulated militia.

(, Sun 18 Nov 2018, 0:47, Reply)
When enquiring about someone's health, show everyone what a twat you are by asking "How are we?"

(, Tue 23 Oct 2018, 21:19, Reply)
Guests coming round and you don't have a food processor?
Simply chew the food up and spit it into their bowls
(, Mon 22 Oct 2018, 5:02, Reply)
Entertain your pre-school children by giving them an iPad and let them play on it for 20 hours a day

(, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 13:15, Reply)
Make water more interesting
by adding booze and then taking all the water out.
(, Mon 1 Oct 2018, 13:07, Reply)
Use frozen stuffing balls to chill your Bloody Mary
As they thaw out, instead of making your drink all watery and shit, they'll impart a delicious herby flavour
(, Mon 17 Sep 2018, 10:14, Reply)

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