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This is a question Top Tips

Got a great tip? Share it with us. You know, stuff like "Prevent sneezing by pressing you index finger firmly between your nose and your upper lip."

(, Wed 29 Nov 2006, 16:33)
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Do not put a frozen pilchard up your anus for sexual gratification
or for some other reason. Perhaps you want to take one home from the fishmonger but your pockets are full? Or maybe your want to surprise your cat for it's dinner. Either way, the scales will lift open as it thaws and you wont be able to pull it out again without tearing your ring to tatters
(, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 14:36, Reply)
Top Tip for Lottery players:
Pretend to buy a ticket. That way you can lose for free.
(, Thu 27 Jun 2019, 4:26, Reply)
Become a hipster
by wearing your dad's walking jacket and being a cunt.
(, Fri 7 Jun 2019, 17:24, Reply)
Want to spend less time on Facebook?
Simply befriend people whose every action sends you into a downward spiral of quivering envy and paralysing feelings of your own inadequacy as a human being.
(, Mon 20 May 2019, 14:57, Reply)
Stop people hating you by not being a cunt.

(, Mon 13 May 2019, 19:50, 1 reply, 2 months ago)
Take a punt
The 7 quid speaker punted in the newsletter IS actually alright. Who'd have thought?
(, Sat 13 Apr 2019, 10:04, 1 reply, 3 months ago)
Brexiteers, increase your chances of getting onto BBC Question Time
by washing your face with beetroot juice, subscribing to the Daily Mail and wearing thick comedy specs.
(, Wed 3 Apr 2019, 20:59, 3 replies, latest was 3 months ago)
Landlords
Rid your pub of people under 35 by playing The Stone Roses debut album in full.
(, Sat 22 Dec 2018, 22:54, 2 replies, latest was 4 months ago)
Ladies
Pretend you're getting oral sex off of a robot by rubbing your fanny with the back of a spoon.
(, Fri 21 Dec 2018, 19:05, Reply)
Take your time, young man.

(, Wed 19 Dec 2018, 14:02, 1 reply, 7 months ago)
Let everyone know you're a racist by starting a sentence "I'm not a racist, but..."

(, Fri 23 Nov 2018, 16:06, Reply)
Pacify sanctimonious types by living in a stone house and throwing glasses.

(, Fri 23 Nov 2018, 15:58, Reply)
Thick people
Correctly spell the word "weather" by writing the first part of the name of your favourite pub chain.
(, Wed 21 Nov 2018, 23:38, 3 replies, latest was 7 months ago)
Avoid daily mass-shootings by having a well-regulated militia.

(, Sun 18 Nov 2018, 0:47, Reply)
When enquiring about someone's health, show everyone what a twat you are by asking "How are we?"

(, Tue 23 Oct 2018, 20:19, Reply)
Guests coming round and you don't have a food processor?
Simply chew the food up and spit it into their bowls
(, Mon 22 Oct 2018, 4:02, Reply)
Entertain your pre-school children by giving them an iPad and let them play on it for 20 hours a day

(, Fri 12 Oct 2018, 12:15, Reply)
Make water more interesting
by adding booze and then taking all the water out.
(, Mon 1 Oct 2018, 12:07, Reply)
Use frozen stuffing balls to chill your Bloody Mary
As they thaw out, instead of making your drink all watery and shit, they'll impart a delicious herby flavour
(, Mon 17 Sep 2018, 9:14, Reply)
New parents! Save time on embroidering your child’s name...
...onto their PE kit when they reach school age by simply naming your offspring Adidas, Gola, or Le Coq Sportif.
(, Sun 16 Sep 2018, 13:46, Reply)
Avoid catching lethal diseases by killing yourself

(, Sun 9 Sep 2018, 16:11, Reply)
Confuse food critics and writers
by forming your own opinions on the food that you are eating, and not some pretentious cunt that reckons his tastebuds are better than yours.
(, Tue 4 Sep 2018, 18:52, Reply)
Magazine editors.
Make a few quid by suing websites that steal your feature ideas.
(, Sat 1 Sep 2018, 11:55, Reply)
Want to become a deity?
Then start performing miracles.
(, Sat 18 Aug 2018, 11:49, Reply)
Can't find the link for the /talk board? Simply go to the Main Board and click the search link.
The /talk link will then magically appear.
(, Tue 14 Aug 2018, 11:09, 2 replies, latest was 11 months ago)
Prevent premature ejaculation by not indulging in sexual activity

(, Fri 10 Aug 2018, 20:25, Reply)
Kids love seeing their names spelled out in Alphabetti Spaghetti.
But it's more expensive than Spaghetti Hoops. Keep the little buggers happy and save cash by naming them OOOOOOOOOOOOO.
(, Sat 4 Aug 2018, 13:24, Reply)
Llamas make ideal replacements for people who wish alpacas were a bit taller

(, Tue 31 Jul 2018, 19:43, 1 reply, 11 months ago)
Prevent communicable diseases by staying indoors.
On your own.
Forever.
(, Sun 29 Jul 2018, 16:19, Reply)
Chillies go with everything - including trifles.

(, Sat 28 Jul 2018, 12:15, 2 replies, latest was 3 months ago)

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