Be wack
by not listening to Fleetwood Mac
( pemulis, Thu 26 Mar 2015, 21:00, 2 replies, latest was 9 years ago)

Clarkson for PM

( $$ ✅, Mon 23 Mar 2015, 19:35, Reply)

Enjoy a perfect solar eclipse
by closing your fridge door really slowly.
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Fri 20 Mar 2015, 14:19, Reply)

Cheers

( $$ ✅, Wed 18 Mar 2015, 8:58, 2 replies, latest was 9 years ago)

To avoid robot apocalypse,
make sure you store your terminators in a cupboard.
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Tue 17 Mar 2015, 12:14, Reply)

Politicians
Don't be arses.
(Smale is stuffed, Tue 17 Mar 2015, 10:23, Reply)

Ginger girls...
Don't get a Brazillian as it looks like someone has glued a fish finger to your cunt.
(#1, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 11:16, Reply)

Stand out from the crowd and find your own swearing style. Maybe yours will catch on.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 15 Mar 2015, 14:01, Reply)

Worried about bumleeches? Simply fill your underpants with salt and spray every surface that you might come in contact with a weak iodine solution.
You can pick up a shoulder mounted spray system from B&Q for under 300
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Thu 12 Mar 2015, 10:52, Reply)

If you don't want the person in the other room to hear what you are saying on the phone
Put a film on that stars Russell Crowe and turn the volume up
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sat 7 Mar 2015, 1:27, Reply)

guyrim

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 4 Mar 2015, 20:59, Reply)

Stop bein a right mardarse moaning cunt.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 4 Mar 2015, 17:51, Reply)

Wouldn't it be good if there was some sort of online forum where every week there was a new question anyone in the world could answer.
Top Tip: create a website where questions are asked every 7 days
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sat 28 Feb 2015, 21:09, 2 replies, latest was 9 years ago)

When building a coil for your vaping device strum the coil. This will blah blah fiaeh

(hieronymus bosch pcmechanic 4ver in ar harts, goodnite sweet angle, Sat 28 Feb 2015, 2:23, Reply)

Save money at Channel 4
by combining Benefits Street and Immigration Street because, surely, statistically, some immigrants are benefit claimants, and vice versa. And also, surely, statistically, one of them might be a paedoe, so you could call it 'The Immigrant Peadoe Next Door on Benefits Street.'

Fuck it, why not press every button and make 'The HIV-Positive Terrorist Peaeadoeeaeeoe Immigrant Tax-Avoiding Drug Dealing Single Mother Alcoholic Pavement Cyclist on Benefits Street' - then any Daily Mail readers who happen to watch it would explode.

Or did I go too far with 'pavement cyclist'?

LAIGHTERZ SWEEETIEZS!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 18:38, Reply)

Save money on photocopying by just doing a drawing of whatever it is you want to copy.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 12:27, 2 replies, latest was 9 years ago)

Save money on joining an expensive running club
By hanging around outside for them to come out and then just run after them.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 17 Feb 2015, 18:24, 1 reply, 9 years ago)

Feel happy, fulfilled, and full of love
by accepting Jesus.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 17 Feb 2015, 13:03, Reply)

Keep slugs and snails away from your vegetable patch by digging a moat 6-9 inches deep by 12 inches wide around the outside and filling it with molten lava.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 21:45, Reply)

White hard water spots in the bottom of a stainless steel saucepan?
Cover the base with white vinegar and add the same amount again of water, and leave it for half an hour before rinsing out and washing up as normal.
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 15 Feb 2015, 23:28, Reply)

Fat people dangling over their shopping trollies in Tescos: Rather than using the trolley to support your weight, why not pick up the handle and wheel it like a wheelbarrow instead you disgusting slobs.
This will also have the advantage of encouraging you to put less in the trolley.
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Fri 13 Feb 2015, 12:28, Reply)

Scared of making loud noises in public toilets while doing a poo?
Don't worry, just furiously masturbate and drop your guts. The sound of masturbating is calming to other people's ears.
( $$ ✅, Fri 30 Jan 2015, 17:34, Reply)

Boy Racers,
Do your reckless driving in thick fog or post snow slush, both of which will cover your rear number plate from GATSO cameras.
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Fri 30 Jan 2015, 11:26, Reply)

Before including links to other websites in your online newsletter consider making sure they work.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 30 Jan 2015, 10:53, Reply)

Want to improve your life immensely?
Help Get Monty The George the Hofmeister Bear Costume
( Peej, Thu 29 Jan 2015, 14:23, Reply)

Ads on b3ta can be suppressed, if you've donated money towards the running of the site.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 9:38, 1 reply, 9 years ago)

Also, b3ta loads about five times faster if you hide the clickbait uvt ads, not much incentive for people to keep them visible

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 19 Jan 2015, 22:42, 3 replies, latest was 9 years ago)

When writing adverts for your 'other' site you'll probably get more consistent clickthroughs if they don't regularly open an empty window entitled "about:blank" and then hang for the next 30-60 seconds before timing out.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 18 Jan 2015, 17:13, Reply)

Probably better off not drawing a cartoon of Mohammed

(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Fri 16 Jan 2015, 16:14, 2 replies, latest was 9 years ago)